
            Part shock-packed horror film, part madcap comedy, and part romantic road movie, DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! blends movie genres with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Red Toole is an average good-hearted serial killer who enjoys killing hippies almost as much as he loves his wife Violet. But when Violet is kidnapped Toole sets out to reclaim the woman he loves, with unusual and often hilarious results.***********
The movie starts with a skull and a hand injects pink stuff into its eyes. The skull screams. This film is dedicated to the memory of Hasil Adkins. 1937-2005. The story begins on Hell Island. A spaceship crashed. A man and woman having sex in their rag-top car. A man with a scythe, Red (Tim Gerstmar), was going to kill them but the woman tells her lover I love you Red and the scythe go away. Red used his scythe to cut off 4 peoples heads as they were sitting around a camp fire getting high. Hell Island Present Day: Archaeologists (three) are looking for ½ man, ½ fish. The two girls are looking for Nikki (Sadie Blades). There is a diagram on the wall of the tent showing the shark mans penis with hooks in it. The girls see Nikki in the ocean as she rips off her bikini top. While the 3 girls are naked in the ocean (full frontal nudity) a figure in black cape and hood looks them over. Later that night the amphibious man comes to the girls tent. The amphibious man goes into the ocean. The black hooded figure attacks the girls.
Red brings his girlfriend a suitcase full of hands and arms and they start eating them. His girlfriend Violet (Pippi Zornoza) gives him clothes made of human flesh.the man starts eating the flesh. Violet says she loves rubber dicks.
2 cops knock on Violets door. Red answers the door with an arm In his mouth. The officers ask about the Maldonato Triplets Shannon (Jennifer K. Beal), Britney (Zhana LaRenard) and Nikki (Sadie Blades). The officer asks the man about the blood, and he said there was a a BIG spider and he killed it. Baron Nefarious (Geoff Mosher) welcomes the girls to Castle Nefarious. He is taking about his zombotron which turns people into zombies. He calls the girls his Gummy Buns who are there to satisfy his desires. He flips two buttons on his machine and the three girls turn into green zombies. Zombastisheen ( a commercial) can be used as a car wax, space age sex lube, or whores derves. Violet and her husband are on a picnic when he asks what they have to fucking eat. She opens the basket and there is a bloody skull. Violet rips the head apart and the blood starts squirting blood all over the place. Dontwatchthismovie. The triplets and Nefarious take Violet. Her husband rips a zombies balls off. He calls die you zombie bastards 3 times. Violet is on Hell Island in the Burmuda Triangle. Nefarious says Violet is his soul mate. Nefarious took Trig in college. Nefariouss mom (Tim Gerstmar) is talking blah, blah about her son. Violets husband goes to the police and another man tells him about Barundeb Duttah (Lon E. Plynton), and to tell him about about the blue smoke. Barundeb tells Red about CoconutHeadFaceMan (Tim Gerstmar) who swore vengeance. No one knows why. Dontwatchthismovie.Barundeb starts to sing. He gives Red a conch shell. Red is to blow into the conch to chase the zombies away. Red travels from the US to Sweden. Red dreams he sees Violet chained to a rock and a monster comes up behind her. Red awakens.Red talks to a man with leiderhosen about a pic of a womans breasts who is Super Inga (Sandra Kennedy) . Red is attacked by 2 zombies. He blows the conch and chases away the zombies. One zombies head gushes pink goo. The twins shed their tops again. Red goes to Super Ingas bar. She licks on the beer bottle then gives it to Red. Red and Super Inga get nasty with some sausage.
Violet chews her way out of a cage she is locked in, then beats up the female zombies. Olaf is a cheese monster. Inga tells Red to go to Madison, Wisconsin to find Hasil Adkins (Rockabilly). Now we see a Black and White Spanish film about Nefarious. Red ends up in Madison, Virginia. Red goes to a dial phone and calls Hasil. Hasil says his house looks like Sanford and Son. He goes out Rt 85.Red goes into Stavross Pizza. Stavros (Jamie Gillis) says he is from outerspace (crashed spaceship mentioned above) He says his planet was invaded and the women were impregnated. Stavros tells Red that Nefarious wants to turn everyone into zombies. Stavros is attacked by a zombie and gets stabbed in the heart with a wooden stick. Red bites off the zombies fingers and the blood spurts all over the place as the zombies head explodes.Nefarious is performing surgery to add gills to Violet. Kid Fantastico confronts Nefarious. He says he is Reds sidekick. Dontwatchthismovie. Nefarious shows Violte that he has spikes on his butt and Violet still has one inflated breast (or two), whatever.Red finds Hasil. Red learns how to fight. Hasil gives Red a choice of playing cards. He goes to the place at the harbor and meets his dad Thierry Toole (Tim Gerstmar). Red goes into to a skull building.Nefarious is getting married to Violet. Red tries to destroy the Zombotron and the radiation gauge goes to Fucking Run. Red is attacked by zombies, dog men, robots and ninjas. There is a ninja cut in half with his guts hanging out. Red puts the pink stuff into Nefarious and he melts away. The building blows up. Red and Violet are on the beach. The two policemen from before beat up Red, Violet, and Kid Fantastico for some unknown reason. Red gets 237 consecutive life sentences. Kid Fantistico gets death but destroys the electric chair as they try to electrocute him. Violet is sentenced to 10 years in a mental institute but was released after 6 months. The END.
    

Tim Gerstmar

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