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Too Funny to Fail: The Life & Death of The Dana Carvey Show

The Dana Carvey Show

The Jack and Triumph Show


            Dracula (voiced by Adam Sandler) is the owner and creator of Hotel Transylvania, a five-star resort where the world's monsters can be safe from human civilization. Dracula invites some of the most famous monsters like Frankenstein (Kevin James) and his wife Eunice (Fran Drescher), Murray the Mummy (Cee Lo Green), Wayne and Wanda Werewolf (Steve Buscemi and Molly Shannon), Griffin the Invisible Man (David Spade), Bigfoot, Steve the Blob, and other monsters to celebrate the 118th birthday of his daughter Mavis (voiced by Selena Gomez). However, Mavis prefers to explore the outside world with her father's permission, but the village he directs her to is actually an elaborate deception to convince her of the threat of humans enough to coax her back.However, this charade inadvertently attracts the attention of an ordinary young traveler named Jonathan (voiced by Andy Samberg) who was exploring the surrounding forest and followed the staff to the hotel. Once Jonathan enters the hotel, Dracula frantically attempts to hide him from the patrons such as disguising him as a Flesh Golem named Johnny-stein with the later hasty cover story of being a relative of one of Frank's body parts. Eventually, Jonathan is discovered by Mavis and company, forcing Dracula to claim he is going to arrange Mavis' birthday party with a young perspective. In doing so, Jonathan manages to charm everyone at the hotel, especially Mavis. Eventually, even Dracula begins to like the human taking him into his confidence about his family's traumatic past after the vampire notices the young man knows something about them in a respectful manner.Unfortunately, Chef Quasimodo Wilson (Jon Lovitz) realizes Jonathan is human and captures him to cook him, forcing Dracula to directly intervene by magically freezing the chef. Eventually, the birthday party happens and it is a raucous success until Dracula freaks out when Mavis and Jonathan have an innocent kiss. A ranting Dracula accidentally lets it slip that he tricked Mavis at the fake village and Mavis is outraged at being manipulated by her own father. Things get worse when a still-frozen Chef Quasimodo interrupts the party as the Fly (Chris Parnell) translates his frozen language to the clientele which states that Jonathan is actually a human. Even as the clientele are revolted, Mavis still accepts and expresses her desire to be with Jonathan even though he is human. For his part, Jonathan feels obliged to reject Mavis for her father's sake and leaves the hotel. Afterward, Dracula realizes that in his efforts to protect Mavis, he has broken her heart and now she tearfully wants to stay at the hotel forever.Wishing to undo his mistake, Dracula persuades his friends to help him find Jonathan and even risks his destruction by venturing out in the daylight to do so. Learning that Jonathan is about to board a flight out of Transylvania Airport shortly, they race on and enter a town en route. At that town, Dracula and company are stunned to see the humans having a 'Monster Festival'. To clear a path, Frankenstein tries to scare them, but finds the humans are cheerfully welcoming them instead and even provide a shaded route through the town for Dracula to proceed at maximum speed.However, Dracula finds that he is too late with Jonathan's plane taking off. With no alternative, Dracula desperately flies after it in broad daylight despite being hurt by the sun. With much effort, Dracula manages to reach the plane and resorts to mind-controlling one of the pilots (Brian Stack) to apologize and tell Jonathan that he wants him to return to be with his daughter. Jonathan accepts Dracula's apology and Dracula manipulates the plane back to the airport.Later, Dracula returns Jonathan to Mavis, who tells her that she's his 'zing' and the reason why he had to reject her. Dracula gives his blessing to their relationship, Jonathan and Mavis kiss and the hotel has another party to celebrate his daughter's liberating coming of age before Jonathan and Mavis set off on their travels.The film ends with Dracula and his friends being shown in traditional animation (in the style of Genndy Tartakovsky's cartoons) during the credits.
    

Hotel Transylvania


            It's Mavis (Selena Gomez) and Johnny's (Andy Samberg) wedding day. Dracula (Adam Sandler) is worried that she'll decide to move out of the hotel, but he decides to keep it together for her sake.One month later, Johnny tells Dracula that Mavis wants to go flying with him. They play a game of hide-and-seek, but Mavis quickly gets winded. She tells him that she can't fly very far, since she's pregnant.Dracula is overjoyed that he's going to be a grandfather, until Mavis mentions that it's possible her child will be a human. When the due date arrives, Dracula sneaks into the delivery room disguised as a nurse. He swears that no one will ever harm his grandson, before handing him to Mavis.On Dennis' (Asher Blinkoff) first birthday, there is a party, and Johnny's parents, Mike (Nick Offerman) and Linda (Megan Mullally) are invited. Also at the party are Frankenstein (Kevin James) and Eunice (Fran Drescher), Wayne (Steve Buscemi) and Wanda (Molly Shannon), Griffin (David Spade), and Murray (Keegan-Michael Key). Dracula is convinced that Dennis will grow up to be a vampire, even when Linda points out that he doesn't have any fangs. Wayne tells her that he has until his fifth birthday to have his fangs grow in. Mike tells Johnny he should get a job, but Dracula bails him out by saying that he already has a job at the hotel, making the humans feel more comfortable there.Months later, Mavis calls for Johnny and Dracula and tells them that Dennis said his first word. Dennis says "Bleh bleh bleh," then repeats it over and over again. Not amused, Dracula checks inside his mouth for any sign of growing fangs, finding nothing.When Dennis is four, Dracula tries to teach him how to turn into a bat. Dennis is only able to flap his arms and run around the room. Dracula tells Dennis that he'll dance for him if Dennis will try to turn into a bat. Mavis comes in and asks what they're doing. Dracula mentions that six of Wayne's pups are having a birthday party, but Mavis doesn't want Dennis to go, since they play too rough with him. Dracula asks her if she doesn't want Dennis around monsters, and Dennis says he wants to watch his favorite video, Kakie the cake monster (Chris Kattan). Mavis points out that he hasn't yet shown any signs that he's not human.Mavis reluctantly brings Dennis to the party, and a girl pup named Winnie (Sadie Sandler) tells Dennis she loves him and they will get married. Dennis squirms away from her. Mavis is overjoyed by all of the fun things at the party, such as limbo and a piñata, though she wreaks a bit of havoc when she breaks the piñata and the werewolf pups eat the candy. In the chaos that ensues, Dennis gets knocked to the ground and one of his teeth falls out; Mavis is horrified, but Dracula excitedly rushes to see if Dennis' fangs are going to come in. She tells Dracula that she and Johnny have been talking about moving to California, so that Dennis can grow up around other humans; she still doesn't think that her son will manifest any vampire powers before his fifth birthday.Saddened, Dracula goes to see Johnny in his room. Johnny tells him that he loves it at the hotel, and doesn't want to move. Dracula tells him to take Mavis to his parents' house, while Dracula will watch Dennis. His plan is to have the monsters show their skills, so that Dennis will decide to turn into a vampire. He only has one week left before Dennis' fifth birthday.Johnny and Mavis fly away, and moments later the monsters pull up. Together, they all drive off with the Blob riding sidecar in an attached Rascal scooter. Johnny and Mavis land in Santa Cruz and rent a car. Dracula and the group arrive at the forest, and he tells Frankenstein to show Dennis how he scares people. Two joggers pass by and see him, but they aren't frightened. Instead, they ask if he will take a picture with them, which he happily agrees to do. Dracula then tells Wayne to kill a deer, and he starts to chase after one, but gets distracted when a frisbee flies by. He quickly chases and grabs the frisbee, to Dennis' delight. Angry, Dracula drives the group away, and the scooter becomes detached, sending the Blob over a cliff. Dracula says he'll be fine, since he's shapeless.Johnny and Mavis are driving through Santa Cruz, and she asks him to stop at a minimart. She gets fascinated by the potato chips and Slurpees. It's Murray's turn to try and impress Dennis, and Dracula tells him to conjure up a sandstorm. Murray starts chanting and twisting, but then he hurts his back, only producing a small sand pile that Dennis happily plays with. Johnny and Mavis see a park where kids are doing bicycle stunts, and Johnny borrows a kid's bike to show off his tricks. Mavis decides to give it a try, and is able to do floating loop-de-loops and stop in midair. They leave for Johnny's parents' house, and Mavis decides to check in on Dennis.Dennis is fast asleep when Dracula's phone rings, and he doesn't want her to know that they left the hotel. Griffin puts his sunglasses on Dennis, and moves his arms and talks for him so Mavis won't see that he's asleep. Dracula decides that he will have to teach Dennis himself. He drives them to the Vampire Summer Camp where he spent his childhood. The camp director meets them and says that Dracula was a legend as a kid. The vampire children are all eating mice.Johnny and Mavis arrive at Mike and Linda's house, and find the guest room made over with a makeshift coffin. Mavis thinks it would be a great place to raise Dennis. Linda announces that she's invited other human-monster couples over.Dracula takes Dennis and the group to the top of a 200-foot tower, and he throws Dennis off, thinking that he'd figure out how to fly before he hit the ground. One by one, the monsters look over the side and announce that he's still not flying. When he gets close to the ground, Dracula flies down and grabs Dennis. Frankenstein leans on the side of the rail, causing the tower to fall over and land in the campfire. Frankenstein is set on fire, and he runs wildly through the buildings, setting them all on fire. A tree falls and crushes the hearse.Johnny and Mavis are on the roof, and she tells him that she doesn't want Dennis to grow up in Transylvania, and end up being a freak like her. Johnny says that he'd be overjoyed if Dennis grew up to be curious and full of life like she is. His phone rings and he shows her a video that he thinks a friend sent him. She recognizes that it's Dennis falling off the tower. Frantic, she calls Dracula. Sirens are blaring as firemen try to put out the fire. Dracula answers the phone and tells her that they're still at the hotel. Dennis grabs the phone and starts to tell her that Dracula was teaching him how to fly, but Dracula smashes the phone before he can finish. Mavis tells Johnny that they have to head back to the hotel right away.Dracula realizes he has to get back to the hotel quickly, but they don't have a car. The Blob rides up on his scooter, and they all leave. Mavis decides that it will take too long to fly back on a plane, so she turns into a bat and grabs Johnny, then flies off. The Blob gets stuck in traffic, and Mavis flies through a raincloud and gets sopping wet. When the traffic clears, the Blob has to pull off the road and duck behind some bushes. Mavis flies through a thunderstorm, dodging lightning bolts. Frankenstein blows the Blob up like a balloon, and then lets go, causing him to shoot forward with them. They race a train, narrowly beating it through a tunnel. Dracula holds Dennis up in the air and lets him pretend to fly.Mavis and Dracula arrive at the hotel at the same time, and she shows him the video of Dennis falling, which has gone viral. Angrily, she tells him that she'll have his birthday party there, and then they're moving to California.The night before the party, Mavis tells Dracula that she invited his human-hating father, Vlad (Mel Brooks). Dracula pulls Johnny aside and tells him that Vlad can't know that he and his family are humans, or he'll eat them. Johnny decides to make the party a costume party. Everyone is dressed as monsters, and Johnny is wearing a cheap vampire costume. Vlad arrives with the demon Bela (Rob Riggle), and Dracula tells Frankenstein to keep him away from Mavis and the humans. Brandon, the actor who played Kakie, shows up as a performer. Vlad meets Johnny and thinks he's a freaky-looking vampire. When Vlad meets Dennis, he wants to see his great-vamp-son's fangs; when he has none, he thinks he's a "late-fanger," just as Dracula was, and tells them that all they have to do is scare Dennis' fangs out of him. Kakie sets up to start his act, and Vlad makes him levitate. Mavis notices Vlad offstage and wonders what her grandfather is doing. Vlad makes Kakie's costume head spin, and then makes him act possessed. Dennis jumps into Dracula's arms. Vlad makes Kakie's body shape-shift. Dracula stops him, saying that it's not worth it. Mavis asks what's going on, and Dracula says that he was trying to scare Dennis into growing fangs. Johnny says they were desperate, and she realizes that he was in on it. All of them, along with Johnny's parents, start arguing. Upset, Dennis runs off, and Winnie follows after him.Winnie leads Dennis to a dog fort. Bela sees them and calls out more demons. Mavis and Johnny realize that Dennis isn't there, and everyone at the party runs off to try and find him. Bela swoops into the fort and grabs Dennis and Winnie, who bites his hand. Bela flings her away, causing her to crash on the ground. This enrages Dennis enough for his fangs to come in, and his vampire powers manifest immediately.Dracula, Johnny, Mavis and the rest of the monsters join in the fight, driving the demons away. Unseen, Bela grabs a sharp branch and flies straight at Johnny, trying to kill him. Just in time, Vlad, having had a change of heart, stops Bela and shrinks him, warning his former minion to never come near him or his family ever again.Mavis decides to continue raising Dennis at the hotel. Since it's still Dennis' birthday, they return to the party and get ready to eat Dennis' cake. After the gremlin lady swallows the entire cake in one bite, the party resumes and everyone has a great time, even Dracula and Vlad, who dance in typical over-the-top vampire fashion.
    

Hotel Transylvania 2


            Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler) is a superhuman yet kindhearted Israeli counter-terrorist and the finest and most respected soldier in the IDF. However, he has become bored and sickened by the constant fighting, secretly dreaming of moving to the USA and becoming a hairdresser. While on a mission to thwart a Palestinian terror group being led by his personal arch-enemy, Fatoush "the Phantom" Hakbarah (John Turturro), Zohan fakes his own death and smuggles himself onto a flight to New York, cutting his own hair and taking the alias "Scrappy Coco" (the names of two dogs he shared the flight with) while claiming that he is "half Australian, half Mount Everest." Meanwhile the Phantom becomes rich and famous for supposedly killing Zohan, gaining his own fast food business.Initially unsuccessful in getting hired at several salons, Zohan's military expertise earns him a new friend, Michael (Nick Swardson), who gives him a place to stay. However, Michael starts to regret it when he finds Zohan making out with his mother. Zohan encounters a fellow Israeli named Oori (Ido Mosseri) at a disco, who recognizes Zohan but agrees to keep his identity a secret. Oori takes him to a block in lower Manhattan filled with Middle Easterners who are split between a Palestinian side and an Israeli side of the street.Zohan attempts to land a job in a struggling salon of a Palestinian woman named Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). After first only allowing Zohan to sweep floors for free, she eventually allows him to be a stylist after he pleases an older customer with a satisfactory haircut and back-room sexual service. Zohan's reputation spreads instantly among the elderly women of lower Manhattan and Dalia's business booms, upsetting Grant Walbridge (Michael Buffer), a corporate magnate who has been trying to force out all the local tenants on the block so that he can build a mall.Zohan is identified by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider), who bears a grudge against Zohan for taking his goat away from him. Salim convinces his friends to help him kill Zohan, but is forced after a failed bombing attempt to contact Phantom, who Salim attempts to blackmail, but ends up getting the stiff end of the deal as he convinces Phantom to visit New York to find Zohan.Meanwhile, Zohan realizes that he has fallen in love with Dalia, and comes clean to Michael and his mother about his true identity, before meeting Dalia. Dalia rejects Zohan after he reveals he was formerly an Israeli counter-terror operative. He decides to leave Dalia and take on Phantom in a championship Hacky Sack game sponsored by Walbridge, but the match is cut short with sudden news of the Middle Eastern block being attacked, and he quickly leaves.Zohan arrives and calms the Israelis and Palestinians, who each blame the other for the violence, while making peace with Salim. Phantom then appears and confronts Zohan, but Zohan refuses to fight. Dalia appears, revealing that she is Phantom's sister, and convinces her brother to cooperate with Zohan against the arsonists, revealed to be white supremacists hired by Walbridge to instigate an inter-ethnic riot so he can get his new mall in the aftermath.As Zohan and Phantom work to save the block, the latter admits that he always wanted to be a shoe salesman rather than a terrorist. Although the white supremacists are defeated and Walbridge imprisoned, Phantom accidentally destroys all of the shops on the block. However, with the Israelis and the Palestinians united, the block is transformed into a collectively-owned mall called the Peace and Brotherhood Fire Insurance Mall. Phantom opens a shoe store, Salim gets a new goat, which he gives children rides on, and Zohan and Dalia open a beauty salon, Zohan having married Dalia. Zohan's parents show up approving his new life before asking that he cut their hair, which he happily does.
    

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

The Week Of

Let's Be Real


            Home videos show fraternal twins Jack and Jill Sadelstein growing up in New York City. Jack is the gifted twin, while Jill constantly tries - and fails miserably - to get his attention by injuring him or driving others away from him.In present-day Los Angeles, Jack is a successful advertising executive who lives with his beautiful wife Erin and their two kids Sofia and Gary, a Hindu child they adopted at birth. Jill never left the working-class neighborhood they grew up in; she recently inherited the Sadelstein home, having lived with their mother until her death one year ago.As always, Jack is genuinely irritated by the upcoming Thanksgiving visit of his sister. Jill ruins Thanksgiving dinner by loudly embarrassing a homeless guest. Jack immediately lashes out at his sister, making Jill run into the woods with her pet cockatoo Poopsie. Erin demands that Jack apologize, which he unwillingly does. Jill has a list of things she wants to do while in Los Angeles: be on a game show (The Price is Right, which gives Jill a carload of prizes after she knocks herself out while spinning the wheel), go horseback riding (she proves too heavy for the pony, which collapses under her), and do a studio tour. Since Jill has an open-ended plane ticket, she decides to stay until after Hanukkah, to Jack's horror.Jack encourages Jill to try online dating, but she is unsuccessful until Jack alters her profile by putting it on Craigslist, leading to more than 100 responses. When Jill's date "Funbucket" meets her, he hides in the men's room until she leaves the restaurant.Jack's agency client, meanwhile, wants him to somehow get legendary actor Al Pacino to appear in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial to promote a new coffee called the "Dunkaccino". Jack takes Jill to a Lakers game where Pacino is supposed to be. Pacino ignores Jack but is taken with Jill and gives her his phone number. Jack hopes Jill will go home by New Year's Eve, as the family is going on a cruise. Jack's friends and colleagues throw him a birthday party, extending the invite to Jill. Again, Jill loudly disgraces herself, Jack, and the various celebrities in attendance. Pacino brings Jill to his home (where she accidentally destroys his Oscar statuette), but despite his infatuation with her, Jill is uninterested with Pacino and soon leaves.Jack's Mexican gardener Felipe, also smitten with Jill, takes her to meet his family at their annual fiesta, where she hits it off with everybody, and tries Mexican food for the first time, acquiring a horrible case of diarrhea.Pacino refuses to do the Dunkin' Donuts commercial unless Jack gets him another date with Jill; to that end, Jack invites Jill on the cruise with his family. At sea, Jill refuses to see Pacino again, so Jack disguises himself as his sister and goes on her date with Pacino. Jill suspects that she was only invited just so Pacino would do the commercial; that is confirmed when she phones Jack, he answers as Jill, and hears Pacino in the background. Pacino, still believing Jack to be Jill, spells out that he sees Jill as an unrecognized woman proud of her brother's success. Feeling guilty, Jack returns to the ship, only to learn that Jill has gone back home to The Bronx.At a restaurant on New Year's Eve, toting a picture of her and Jack's late mother, Jill comes across a group of former classmates and bullies, led by Monica, who pick up directly where they left off until Jack, Erin, and their kids show up. Jack and Jill converse in their made-up twin language (which even Jack finds incomprehensible). Monica attacks Erin and is cold cocked by Jill. Pacino also turns up at the party, dressed as the Man of La Mancha, and tells Jill that while he has feelings for her, there is another man more worthy of her than himself. Jill goes home, where Felipe and his children await her arrival. Felipe professes his love for Jill, and the two begin a relationship.The Dunkin' Donuts television commercial is made, with Pacino starring and singing a rap song. When Jack shows it to him, Pacino tells him to destroy every copy.
    

Robert Smigel

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