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The '80s: The Decade That Made Us

Karaoke

Withnail & I

The Crimson Petal and the White

A Christmas Carol

Tuca & Bertie

Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Twelfth Night

Mountains of the Moon

Dispatches from Elsewhere

Foster

Wah-Wah

How to Get Ahead in Advertising

Their Finest

Jekyll and Hyde


            Many generations ago, the Wilherns were a prestigious, wealthy, and respected family. However, things went downhill after young Ralph Wilhern had a romance with (and impregnated) a servant girl named Clara. Though he wished to marry Clara, Ralph was talked out of the idea by his family and married a young woman of his own social class. A devestated Clara commits suicide.Unfortunately for the Wilherns, Clara's mother happens to be a witch. To avenge her daughter, the old woman curses the wealthy Wilherns, promising that the next girl born into the family will have the face of a pig, until she is accepted and loved by "one of her own kind." For generations, only sons were born to Wilherns, and the curse was nearly forgotten. But finally, Jessica and Franklin Wilhern produced a baby girl, Penelope, born with the nose and ears of a pig.Penelope's parents attempt to have the nose surgically removed, but the placement of a certain artery makes it impossible. They resort to hiding ther daughter in their lavish mansion, with Jessica banning anything pig-related (such as bacon) from the household. Due to the media circus revolving about the rumors of the "pig-faced girl," Franklin and Jessica fake Penelope's death and dedicate their time to finding her a welathy husband, which they believe will break the curse. Though Penelope is isolated, she is well-educated and develops a love for horticulture. When she is 18, Jessica hires a matchmaker, Wanda, to assist with the husband-hunt. A room is set up with a one-way mirror, allowing Penelope to talk with potential matches while hidden in her room. When she reveals her face to them, however, they run from the house screaming. They are caught (by the Wilhern's butler, Jake), and legally forced to keep Penelope's condition secret. Seven years later, after one such meeting, the young man in question (the snobbish Edward Vanderman III) outruns Jake and attempts to report "monsterous" Penelope to the police. Edward is laughed at and imprisoned for the night. The next morning, his story is printed in the newspaper, citing his outburst as a "mental breakdown." Desperate to clear his name, Edward complains to the author of the article. About to be dismissed a second time, Edward has a chance meeting with Mr. Lemon, a reporter determined to get a photograph of Penelope. Lemon had nearly gotten the picture in Penelope's infancy, but was attacked by Jessica, resulting in the loss of his eye. He and Edward team up to reveal her existance to the community.Lemon decides to find a "down-and-out blueblood" who would be willing to meet with Penelope while rigged with a hidden camera. He finds a name of a nearly broke man from a wealthy family: Max Campion. Lemon visits a gambling hall that Campion frequents, and is directed to his poker table. Lemon bribes the young man he believes to be Campion with $5,000 to participate in the scheme. The following day, "Max" meets up with Edward and Lemon and is affixed with a jacket containing a camera. Max enters the Wilhern house and files into the observation room with other young, wealthy candidates. As Max's camera malfunctions, he drops behind a sofa to fix it. At that moment, Penelope enters the room and the other young men flee. A disheartened Penelope retreats to the kitchen, where she argues with her controlling mother about the futility of finding a husband. Jessica and Wanda spy Max through the security camera, sitting alone in the observation room (having been the only one to not see Penelope). They quickly send Penelope to speak with him through the one-way mirror. Max and Penelope bond in their conversation, despite Max's obvious crooked ways. Max promises to return the next day. He assures Lemon he will be back to secure the photograph, which he had failed to obtain. The following day, Penelope suspects that Max plays a musical intstrument, and he playfully asks her to guess which one while he demonstrates his (lacking) skills at guitar, drums, bass, and saxaphone. Penelope concludes that Max pays piano, and finally reveals her face to him while helping him play a chord. Max is taken aback, but does not run. He snaps a picture, and is immediately ashamed as Penelope runs from the room. Max returns to Edward and Lemon, destorying the camera and photograph, as Jessica spys them and recognizes Lemon from years before. After an altercation back in the house, a tearful Penelope begs Max to marry her and break the curse. Max sadly refuses, and is banished from the house. That night, Penelope steals her mother's credit card, covers her pig snout with a scarf, and escapes into the city for the first time. She calls her parents from a payphone, assuring them that she is safe, and books a room at a hotel. Franklin and Jessica face dilemmas about finding their daughter; they cannot describe her to authorities without mentioning the pig features, which will expose her. After having a beer at a bar, Penelope befriends a delivery girl named Annie who helps her explore the city. After nearly being discovered by her parents, Penelope decides to sell her own photograph to Lemon to avoid using Jessica's credit card. Though Penelope still hides her identity, her picture starts a media frenzy. Her parents spot her once again, and after a chase through the city, an exhausted Penelope faints. Annie removes the scarf to reveal the famous pig snout. To Penelope's surprise, she is welcomed and treated kindly by the community, and has no further need to conceal her face. Edward, however, still sees Penelope as a hideous monster, and angers his prestigious father by expressing his disgust to the press. To redeem his image, Edward proposes to Penelope, who is hesitant because of lingering feelings for Max. At a theater one night, a still smitten Max confronts Edward about hurting Penelope, but remains hindered by his own guilt for leaving her.At the newspaper office, Lemon overhears that Max Campion was recently arrested for robbery. Shocked, Lemon visits the police station where he discovers the real Max: a middle-aged, portly man who also played poker at the gambling hall. Lemon asks about the young man who claimed to be Max, and Campion identifies him as Johnny Martin. Lemon realizes his mistake: he had approached the wrong man at the poker table, but the phony Max had played along for the money.After visiting Johnny at his blue-coller job, he discovers why Johnny could not break Penelope's curse: he is merlely a plumber's son, not a blue-blooded aristocrat. Penelope must marry "one of her own kind."The day of Penelope and Edward's wedding arrives. Edward is still disgusted by his fiancee, but is assured by his mother that the curse will be broken once the wedding is over. Penelope does not love Edward, and stoically allows herself to be preened for the ceremony. At the alter, Penelope backs out of the marriage and retreats to her room, with Jessica in hot pursuit. Jessica pleads with Penelope to reconsider and rid herself of the curse, but Penelope replies "I like myself the way I am." At that moment, a flash of light and a swirl of memories occurs, and a stunned Penelope finds her pig nose has been replaced by a human one. By being accepted by one of her own kind (herself), she had broken the curse. Without the iconic snout, Penelope falls out of the media circle and is free to live a low-profile life. She leaves home and becomes an elementary school horticulture teacher. Jake, the Wilhern butler, also leaves the household, revealing himself to be the witch who had cursed the family generations ago (he also "mutes" Jessica, sparing the family from her constant demands). On Halloween, Penelope is surprised to find that she, in her pig-faced form, is the most popular costume among her students. Remembering who had accepted her from the beginning, she decides to reconcile with Johnny. Dressed as herself (by wearing a fake pig snout), Penelope goes with Annie to a Halloween party at the theater where Johnny works and rents an apartment. Penelope nervously knocks on his door, under the guise of "having to pee." She notices he is packing a suitcase, and he tells her he is leaving town. Still not recognizing her, he sadly tells her that her mask reminds him of someone he used to know. Penelope sees a piano in the corner and reveals her indentity, remembering that she had guessed his instrument correctly before. Johnny kisses her and apologizes for being unable to break the curse. With a smile, Penelope removes her mask, showing that she had the power all along. Penelope tells her story to her horticulture class (accompanied by Johnny, now in a relationship with her), and asks their opinion of the curse. One young student replies insightfully "It's not the power of the curse, it's the power you give the curse." After sending the class off to collect plant samples in the park, Johnny pushes Penelope on a nearby swing. Lemon sits in a rowboat in the nearby lake, ready to sneak a picture of the new Penelope. Seeing her happiness, he thinks better of it and rows away.
    

Penelope


            In the opening shot, a helicopter carries a giant, plastic hot dog over sunny Los Angeles, California, and sunbathers wave to it from a pool overlooking the city. Television weatherman Harris K. Telemacher (Steve Martin) avoids traffic on the way to work by cutting through backyards, parking lots, and alleyways. He arrives at the KYOY-Chanel 14 television station, dons a safari hat and performs his "wacky" weather report. Afterward, Harris's boss tells him to be "more wacky, less egghead."Harris goes to pick up his girl friend, Trudi (Marilu Henner), on the way to a lunch date with eight other people, and they argue about punctuality. He complains that Trudi takes too long to get ready, but Trudi urges him to relax. They finally get into Harris' car, and Trudi says that she invited Harris's agent, Frank Swan, whom Harris wants to fire. A radio deejay announces that it is the first day of spring and Harris panics, because the first day of spring is "open season" on Los Angeles freeways. He tells Trudi to grab his gun out of the glove compartment. She loads the weapon and hands it to him, and he shoots at other armed drivers.The couple shows up late at the restaurant, but are still the first to arrive. They are eventually joined by talent agent Frank Swan (Kevin Pollak) and Roland Mackey (Richard E. Grant), a British art dealer. Roland's ex-wife, Sara McDowel (Victor Tennant), shows up even later. She introduces herself as a journalist writing an article about Los Angeles for the London Times. An earthquake interrupts, and everyone but Sara ignores it. Harris stares at her from across the table, and Trudi becomes jealous. Leaving the restaurant, Roland tries to rekindle his romance with Sara, but she says she likes their relationship as it is.At a clothing store, Harris tries on a pair of white slacks while a bouncy, dimwitted shop girl named Sandee (Sarah Jessica Parker) marks them for tailoring.That evening, as Harris and Trudi drive home, Harris's car slows to a stop on the highway. He pulls over to look under the hood, and a passing breeze prompts him to turn around. He sees "Hiya" written on an electronic freeway sign. The magical electronic sign communicates with Harris in writing, asking if he is okay and requesting a hug. The sign says it stops people who are in trouble. Harris hears his engine restart as the sign reads: "You will know what to do when you unscramble how daddy is doing." Harris promises to work on the riddle and waves goodbye.Soon after, Sara sees Harris's wacky weather report on television and telephones, asking to interview him for her article. Harris and his best friend, Ariel (Susan Forristal), go to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, where Ariel records Harris with a video camera as he roller-skates through the galleries.Later, Sara and Harris meet for the interview. He takes her on a driving tour of the city, including a stop at a cemetery. When a gravedigger digs up the skull of The Great Blunderman, a magician, Harris says he knew the man. Sara impresses Harris with a fitting quote from William Shakespeare's Hamlet. He asks if she is seeing anyone, and she says yes. Later, at the KYOY-14 station, a producer asks Harry to do the weather report during the weekend, but Harris insists on pre-taping, promising that the weather will not change. A surprise rainstorm ensues.When Harris goes to pick up his altered slacks, the cute shop girl, Sandee, apologizes that the pants are not ready and takes his phone number. On the drive home, Harris sees the talking freeway sign. It tells him he should have gotten Sandee's number. At home, as Harris laments the missed opportunity, Sandee calls to ask him out. They go to a restaurant, where Sandee points out her boyfriend at the bar, and explains that they have an open relationship. She says her name is spelled "SanDeE" and draws it on Harris's hand. Elsewhere, Roland and Sara eat hot dogs and watch skateboarders. Roland kisses Sara, but she is unmoved.The next day, Harris goes to Trudi's apartment, who reveals that she has been having an affair with Frank Swan for three years. Relieved, Harris does a celebratory dance outside. He tells the freeway sign that he is now free from his relationship and his agent. The sign responds that the weather will change Harris's life twice. Soon after, Harris is fired because his pre-taped weather report failed to predict rain.Sandee urges Harris to get a colonic irrigation and they go to the clinic together. They make plans for dinner, but Harris cannot get a reservation at L'Idiot, the hip, new restaurant Sandee suggested, so he makes plans for a weekend getaway instead. Meanwhile, Sara records her observations about Los Angeles on a Dictaphone, observing that it is a place where people have taken a desert and turned it into their dreams. She also notes that it is a place of secrets, and disagrees with Roland, who believes Los Angeles is a place for the "brain dead."At a museum, Roland and Sara peruse art while Ariel records more video of Harris on his roller-skates. Harris accidentally runs into Sara, who invites him to join her and Roland for dinner. They go to L'Idiot, and afterward, Sara gives him a ride home. Arriving at his apartment, they step out of Sara's car, and it begins to move on its own. Sara panics, but Harris says he knows what is happening. They jump back into the car, and it leads them to the freeway sign. The sign tells Harris to kiss Sara, and he does. The sign then urges him to let his mind go, promising that his body will follow. In a daze, Sara agrees to go to a fundraiser with Harris the following evening. Later, she telephones her mother and plays "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" on the tuba, while her mom accompanies her on piano.The next night, as he arrives to pick her up, Harris overhears Sara playing the tuba. He detects Sara's nervousness and encourages her to relax and give in to the passion she feels. She says he should do the same, and suggests he uses silly antics to avoid getting hurt. At the fund raising dinner, Harris pretends to be ill and lures Sara outside. They kiss, and he tells her to let her mind and body go. They return to the table disheveled, just as the long-winded host finishes his speech.The next day, Harris tells Sandee he cannot go away with her that weekend because he is seeing someone else. When he admits that Sara is going on a trip with her ex-husband, Sandee convinces him it is only fair that they have a vacation, too. Harris and Sandee unwittingly end up at the same Santa Barbara resort as Sara and Roland. Unaware that Harris is next door, Roland and Sara overhear him and Sandee having sex and are inspired to do the same. Afterward, Harris and Sara are dismayed when they bump into each other in the hallway. Blissfully ignorant, Roland suggests they have dinner together.The couples walk on the beach, and Sara and Harris steal time alone. Harris begs her to stay in Los Angeles, saying he wants to get married, have children, and grow old together. For Sara, however, their fling is everything she didn't want: pain, lying, and complications. Checking out of the hotel, Roland runs into Harris and gives him the sad news that Sara has decided to go back to London as soon as possible.Back in Los Angeles, Harris finds Sara packing at her apartment. He begs her to reconsider, but she refuses. At his new job as a news anchorman, Harris mopes, while Sara heads for the airport. Another rainstorm hits, and she changes her mind. She goes to Harris's apartment, and when he sees her, he notes the rain, and says, "That's twice," in reference to the freeway sign's suggestion that the weather would change his life twice.Harris takes Sara back to the freeway sign, which tells him to unscramble "How Daddy is Doing." Sara figures out the riddle by unscrambling the phrase, and says the sign is telling Harris to "sing Doo Wah Diddy." Harris asks the sign why it chose him, and it says, "There are more things 'n heaven and earth, Harris, than are dreamed of 'n your philosophy," then returns to reporting the traffic. Harris and Sara kiss beside the road and Harris closes the film with a final voice-over narration which he states that it is sometime in the future and that there is someone for everyone, and he will never forget the night when he learned that romance does exist deep in the heart of Los Angeles.The final shot show the magical traffic sign displaying the text: "What I really want to do is direct."
    

L.A. Story

A Royal Scandal

The Hound of the Baskervilles


            A frail and elderly Margaret Thatcher is at breakfast with her husband Denis. The small change of married life comprises their sporadic conversation. We glimpse the house staff and perhaps assume Thatcher is still at the height of her powers if no longer actually in office but their attitude doesn't seem to correspond; they are not disrespectful, but neither are they deferential and we seem to be in some kind of superior retirement home. Thatcher peeps through the door but cannot make sense of what is happening outside and nor can we. From the window we see with her the comings and goings of security staff, presumably Thatcher's personal protection team. It is only in a reverse shot when a woman finally comes to the Thatchers' door and inquires if everything is alright that we see no-one is at the table where Denis was sitting only a split-second earlier.Thatcher shops for milk at a convenience store. She seems bewildered by the price, talking about it to no-one in particular, and neither staff nor fellow customers seem to recognise her; to them she seems to be just another irritating old woman. One is impatient to the point of rudeness at being held up by her fumbling for the change to pay for the pint that is her only purchase. The scene has an air of unreality as if a dream sequence.Back at the house, overheard snatches of conversation make it clear that the staff are dismayed that Thatcher had escaped their oversight to make this impromptu excursion into the real world outside unescorted and thereby confirm that it wasn't a flight of fancy on her part. Still a symbolic if clearly diminished figure, looking after her seems to be no more than a necessary nuisance to those around her.Thatcher as a girl in Grantham experiences a second world war air-raid. She takes a not-inconsiderable risk as exploding bombs shake the house to leave the relative safety of the cupboard under the stairs but only to prevent some produce from spoilage by putting it away rather than to protect it from the raid as such. Later we see her as the focus of unkind remarks by her classmates from their point of view on the other side of the road. She seems isolated from them socially.In a large hall, now a young woman Thatcher is flirted with by Denis as a young man. They discuss marriage and his support for her apparent political ambition is made clear by him. He soon proposes. We later see them at the theatre together, talking and joking. At a meeting, she is patronised and condescended to by the local Tory party grandees who clearly don't take her application to be the candidate for parliament very seriously but she is unabashed. As a grocer's daughter, she points out, she knows the cost of living and how to budget and will thus appeal to the housewives in the electorate. Compared unfavourably with another, military gentleman candidate she avers that she also faced danger during the war.In parliament as a young Tory minister she rounds on the opposition politicians who have failed to offer her the respect she feels she deserves by lecturing them on their failure to attend to the content of her words rather than the manner in which they were delivered but her raised voice is gratingly strident and high-pitched.We witness a cabinet meeting with prime minister Edward Heath. Thatcher is quietly competent in her contributions but clearly a junior member of the government, seated as she is at the very far end of the cabinet table and having to lean forward to be seen by Heath who seems at first hardly to recall who she is.In a private meeting, two unnamed advisers counsel Thatcher to consider standing for the leadership of the Tory party; she is incredulous. She is next seen in a voice-coaching session. Advised to deepen her delivery and inject authority, she calls 'Denis!' loudly, in a notably lower timbre, and he visibly jumps in his chair although on the far side of the large room. The advisers smile in satisfaction.It is winter 1979. We see news headlines and archive footage about strike action. Leicester Square in central London is piled high with rubbish bags and Thatcher witnesses people stopping in cars to throw theirs on the pile on the pavement in front of her as she walks by while those around express concern at the smell.Her daughter Carol visits the elderly Thatcher and they discuss starting to sort through Denis's clothes and shoes so they can be sent to a charity shop. The task seems overwhelming to Thatcher both physically in terms of volume of material but also emotionally. She tries to speak to son Mark but cannot reach him by telephone.Thatcher speaks with one of the advisors in the Palace of Westminster underground car park as he is already in his car leaving. He drives away towards the exit ramp and Thatcher turns to walk to her own car but almost immediately there is an explosion and we cut to the car in flames outside; newspaper headlines tell us it was Airey Neave, victim of a car bomb.Pinafored and standing at the kitchen stove Thatcher yet incongruously speaks of state matters and the need to attend to them. Denis complains of her absences from family life and testily shouting that she shouldn't worry about them (her family) storms off.After much industrial unrest the miners are now on strike. A beleaguered Thatcher is driven away in her limousine through protesters holding placards bearing anti-Tory slogans as some hammer on the car's roof and windows, shouting angrily at her, faces contorted with rage and hatred.The elderly Thatcher watches a DVD of Carol and son Mark as children playing on the beach.After Argentina invades the Falkland Isles Thatcher has summoned the military top brass, determined to find whether it is possible to recover the islands. The consensus being that it is, if only barely, but is perhaps also inadvisable, Thatcher makes it clear that it must be done. Political speeches to parliament and scenes of preparation and the sailing of the task force follow. In a council of war she is given news of the Argentine ship the General Belgrano manoeuvring in the vicinity of the Task Force. Advised that it is a threat, she gives the order to sink it.The elderly Thatcher speaks to a doctor. She comments acidly on his modern phraseology, comparing it unfavourably with the plainer and more meaningful language of her prime. He asks her about symptoms of dementia, including hallucination. Having by now witnessed numerous scenes where she has plainly imagined the dead Denis, we note her vague discomfiture as she says no, but her mental faculties seem acute enough; Thatcher is apparently now aware that she is imagining him. We begin to doubt that she has either Alzheimer's or any other form of dementia.Cabinet members openly worry about their political careers because the government is so unpopular. Thatcher upbraids them for their lack of principle. Apparently on her way to a public appearance, Thatcher requires the aid of a seamstress to mend her clothing. She thanks Crawfie by name. We see her moments later as part of a cabinet group portrait, the cabinet members now smiling around her.The elderly Thatcher is hosting a dinner that includes former political colleagues. At the head of the table, she seems prime ministerial and asked to comment on Islamic extremism is forthright in her advocacy of resistance to it but seems for a moment to forget she is no longer premier as she speaks of what we must now do. There is a slightly embarrassed silence. Carol tells her plainly that she is no longer prime minister.We are at the Tory party conference in Brighton. It is very late, the early hours of the morning, and Thatcher continues to work in her hotel suite on important papers as Denis retires next door to bed. There is a sudden explosion apparently centred on the bedroom and the rooms of the suite disintegrate. Thatcher is distraught with concern, shouting for Denis who it seems must have died but he soon re-appears, unhurt and spirit unshaken, ruined shoes in hand (he had apparently been putting them outside the door to be cleaned and thus avoided the blast).The elderly Thatcher now always talks to Denis in the full knowledge that she is imagining him and he answers in kind, challenging her to make him disappear. She switches on all manner of domestic appliances, radio, television and hi fi to drown him out. When we return to where he was sat he has gone.Stalking the corridors of power Thatcher now seems isolated, glanced at menacingly by former trusted political friends and murmuring darkly about plots against her. The end of her political reign seems at hand.Suffering insomnia, Thatcher begins the herculean task of sorting through Denis's belongings. By morning it is done, to Carol's amazement when she arrives later.In the final scene of the film, Denis pads down the hallway barefoot, the last pair of shoes now in his hand, stopping at the far end to put them on and although Thatcher now begs him to stay, walks away telling her she will be all right.
    

The Iron Lady

Hard Times

Everybody's Talking About Jamie

A Merry War

The Spine of Night

Warlock


            The first thing we hear is Dom Hemingway (Jude Law) asking, "Is my cock not exquisite?" He continues to praise his cock, saying outlandish things like it ought to win the first ever Nobel Peace Prize to be given to a cock, and that it could save starving children in third world countries. He then orgasms and tells the person giving him oral sex, sorry for not giving him a warning.Chapter 1: 12 YEARS IS A LONG TIMEDom is eating pudding in the prison cafeteria when a guard comes over to talk to him. He tells Dom to put his fork down but Dom insists on finishing his pudding. He relents and speaks to the guard. He tells Dom that the call he's been waiting for has arrived. Dom smiles. He is released from prison, with the other inmates chanting his name and throwing toilet paper out the windows.Dom spots two men standing outside a pub. He asks both of them where to find Sandy Butterfield (Nick Raggett). After he shoves one man's drink out of his hand, the other man tells Dom that Sandy is still working at a garage. Dom goes to this garage and beats Sandy's face in because he got with Dom's wife while he was in prison. Sandy defends his actions because they had been divorced, but Dom continues to pound the guy's face. When he's done, he turns to two other guys and makes friendly talk with them.Dom reunites with his former partner, Dickie Black (Richard E. Grant), in a pub. Dom pulls out a cigarette to smoke, but he's told by the bartender and Dickie that smoking's been banned. Regardless, he lights it up and gives Dickie one to smoke as well. Dickie tells Dom that their former employer, Mr. Ivan Anatoly Fontaine (Demian Bichir) has not forgotten that he owes Dom. Dom had worked for Fontaine as a safe-cracker and served 12 years for not testifying against him. Dom knows he's missed a lot over the years, including a relationship with his daughter Evelyn (Emilia Clarke). In the corner of the pub are two girls, said by Dickie to be sent as gifts to Dom from Fontaine. An eager Dom scoops one of the ladies up and kisses the other. He announces to the pub, "No one call me for three days!"The next day, a hungover Dom ventures with Dickie on a train to head to the south of France to meet with Fontaine. At the station, a heavyset man meets the two and says he was sent by Fontaine. He tells the two to follow him, and Dom makes him carry his luggage.Chapter 2: A WEEKEND IN THE COUNTRY AMONGST THIEVESThe thieves arrive at Fontaine's villa. Dom's eye is caught by Fontaine's beautiful girlfriend Paolina (Madalina Ghenea). Dickie tells him to not look at her. They find Fontaine out hunting with his rifle. He asks Dom if he ever uses a gun for hunting. Dom says no, but only to hold up a place or threaten someone...or rob them...or pistol-whip them...or scare them, but never for hunting. Fontaine invites the two inside for a drink. He makes a comment about "Leftie" being right about Dom maintaining his vanity and wit, yet Dom has no idea who he's talking about. Fontaine means Dickie, making Dom aware of Dickie's left hand sporting a glove. It was shot off a while ago, but Dom just thought the glove was a fashion statement. Dom then starts to mock Fontaine, calling him "Ivana Anal-tolly", still enraged at being locked up for 12 years because of him. Fontaine never gets angry, but he warns Dom to not make him get rough. Dom calms down and leaves.Dickie finds Dom storming off outside completely nude. He runs out to get him back, reprimanding him for speaking rudely to Fontaine, saying he's lucky that Fontaine didn't kill him right there. Dom feels like he shouldn't be there, but Dickie convinces him to stay. Dickie adds that he's not burying Dom out there because he's "too fucking old and he didn't bring the right shoes."Dom apologises to Fontaine and he and Dickie have dinner with Fontaine and Paolina. Fontaine treats the two to a musical performance by Paolina. As she sings, Fontaine tells Dom a story about how he viciously beat his best friend's jaw, nearly completely destroying it, after the man accidentally drove a bicycle into a woman that Fontaine had interest in. He didn't kill Dom for his behavior because he knew that he still owed him.Chapter 3: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAITFontaine presents Dom with a quarter of a million pounds, plus another half a million. Dom becomes excited and hugs the money.Fontaine invites two women over to party and do coke with his guests, and everybody gets in the pool. One of the women, Melody (Kerry Condon), swims over to Dom. She compliments his chin, and he, in turn, compliments her breasts. Later, the whole party drives down the road. Dom stands up and shouts boastfully, right before the car collides with another car, throwing everybody out. Dom is unconscious, but he hears Paolina's voice calling his name and saying "I want the money". He briefly has a fantasy of her in a sexy swimsuit emerging from the pool before he's awoken by a thunderclap. Dom walks through the rain. He calls out for anybody. Fontaine walks by him, impaled by a piece of the car. He falls against the car, dead. Dom then finds Melody lying face down near a lake. He tries to resuscitate her and is able to revive her. She thanks Dom for saving her life and tells him good luck will come to him for this deed when he least expects it and most needs it. Dickie comes in and finds them. He says he saw Paolina heading down the road.Dom and Dickie return to Fontaine's home for Dom's money. All Dom finds is a few fifty pound notes put together in the shape of a heart. Dom then sees Paolina driving down the road, far away with the money. He runs through the woods to catch up to her, falling right in the middle of the road, inches from where she pulls up. Paolina rolls down the window, and Dom sees his money sitting in the passenger seat next to her. He asks her "Why?" She asks him, "Do I strike you as the type of woman that wants to be poor?" She rolls the window back up and drives away, leaving Dom sitting in the road as the rain pours.Dom shows up at Evelyn's apartment, drinking from a bottle of whiskey and with his face messed up. All she can say is, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me," and Dom drops to the floor like a ton of bricks.Chapter 4: FATHER OF THE YEARDom wakes up to see Evelyn's boyfriend Hugh (Nathan Stewart-Jarrett), along with his father, brother, and son. Later, Hugh introduces Dom to his and Evelyn's son, Jawara (Jordan Nash). Dom questions the name choice, which Hugh defends as it means "peace-loving". Dom jokes that his own name means "unlucky son of a bitch." Hugh tells Dom that Evelyn is mad at him and that she's hurt by his absence. He adds that she will play music with him that evening at a club called Cargo so Dom can check them out. Dom does go see the performance, with Evelyn singing "Fisherman's Blues". Dom is mesmerized by hearing his daughter singing.Dom goes to Dickie's home, lamenting that Evelyn wants nothing to do with him. He decides that he needs to seek employment from Lestor, Jr. (Jumayn Hunter), the son of Dom's old nemesis. Dickie warns Dom that Lestor is worse than his father.Dom finds Lestor jogging with his two goons. Lestor recognizes him and then punches him in the stomach. He hates Dom for killing his cat Bernard when Lestor was a boy. Even though they hate each other, Dom proposes that they do business. Although he doesn't like the idea, Lestor gives him a challenge - Dom is to open a new electronic safe at Lestor's club in under ten minutes, and if he is successful, Dom is to work for him. If Dom fails, Lestor will cut off Dom's cock and use it as a doorstop. Dom agrees, and then gets punched in the gut again as payback for the cat.Chapter 5: AND JUST LIKE THAT, OPPORTUNITY KNOCKSDickie joins Dom as they go to Lestor's club to crack the safe inside a wall. Dom takes a sledgehammer and smashes the wall up until he can see the wires around the safe, which he cuts off with a power saw. He grabs the safe and starts thrusting against it sexually, so that the 'pins are out of alignment' then throws it on the floor, where it finally opens. Dom feels triumphant, until Lestor tells him he only has 52 seconds left. He takes out a smaller safe from a box, revealing that to be the safe he wanted him to open. He forces Dom to drop his trousers so he can cut off his cock. At the last second, two safe security guards run into the room. Dickie smashes a small statue over Lestor's head, and Dom hits his goons with the sledgehammer. They run like hell out of the club, and then split up.Dom waits outside Cargo to find Evelyn after her band's performance. She is still angry with him, stating that he could have served only two or three years if he struck a deal and testified against Fontaine, but he ended up missing his wife dying and most of Evelyn's life. Dom tells her he is going to visit her mother's grave the next day and that she should bring her son with her so they can go together. Evelyn tells him that she only ever wanted a real father, but instead got him. She turns her back and leaves.Chapter 6: A MAN WITH NO OPTIONS SUDDENLY HAS ALL THE OPTIONS IN THE WORLDThe next morning, Dom is out on the streets when he spots Melody riding her motor scooter. He stops her and tells her that he hasn't had any good luck since saving her. Melody asks him what it is that he really wants. Dom firmly states he wants his money back, then he realizes that he just wants Evelyn to talk to him. Melody tells him that by admitting this, the "pendulum of luck" will swing his way because love is what he makes of it.Dom visits his wife's grave, tearfully apologizing and feeling regretful for all the years he's missed and for abandoning her and Evelyn. He looks up and sees Jawara next to him. He tells the boy this is his grandmother's grave. Apparently, she wasn't fond of colored people, but Dom thinks she would have loved him. He walks Jawara out of the cemetery to meet back up with Evelyn. Dom asks her if he can walk around with her and Jawara without having to say anything. She says not today, but he is welcome to take Jawara to school on Monday if he's not too drunk the night before. They walk away, and Jawara waves to Dom. He waves back.Dom walks away, still feeling a lack of closure, until he sees someone and a smile forms on his face. It's Paolina walking into a restaurant with an older man. Dom follows them in and approaches their table. He greets Paolina, who claims to not know who he is. He leans in to place his hand on hers and whisper in her ear menacingly that he is the fucker who will gut her with a butter knife and dump her body in the river without anybody knowing. Paolina trembles in fear. He warns her not to say a word when he removes his hand or else he'll do all of that right now. After all the heartbreaks and sadness, he feels that the pendulum of luck has finally swung back his way. He stands up, drinks her date's wine, and then kisses her. He exits the restaurant and we see him holding something - Paolina's diamond ring. Dom flicks it up and walks away with it, wearing a big victorious grin on his face.
    

Dom Hemingway

Color Me Kubrick

Hidden City


            Tony Thompson [Jonathon Lipnicki] is lonely and friendless. His parents, Bob and Dottie,
have just moved him from San Diego, California to Scotland, and the two
McAshton boys, Nigel [Iain De Caestecker] and Flint [Scott Fletcher], are making fun of him at his new school
because of his obsession with vampires. Unfortunately, Nigel and Flint are
the grandsons of Lord McAshton, Bob's boss.One night, a bat flies into Tony's room. The bat is Rudolph Sackville-Bagg
[Rollo Weeks], vampire, and he's in a bad way. He can't fly, and the
vampire hunter Rookery [Jim Carter] is looking for him. Rudolph desperately needs blood
and asks Tony to lead him to a cow. While Tony waits for Rudolph to finish
his dinner, Rookery attempts to run Tony over with his vampire-hunting
mobile, but Rudolph saves him just in time. Tony and Rudolph are now
tit-for-tat, each having saved the other. They decide to become friends.
Rudolph sleeps the next day in Tony's toybox but is gone when Tony
gets home from school. Rudolph shows up again that night, asking about a
picture Tony drew of an amulet he saw in a dream, the amulet of Attamon,
made by the Great Magician from a piece of the comet of Attamon. Tony
offers to help Rudolph find it because it could mean the end of a curse
that causes Rudolph and his family to remain vampires. Unfortunately,
Rookery is also seeking the amulet because, used in another way, it can
send all the vampires straight to hell.
Suddenly, Rudolph's family shows up...father Frederick, mother Freda,
sister Anna, and brother Gregory. Frederick is not happy that his son has
befriended a human. Just then, Rookery shows up and starts firing stakes
at the vampire family. Tony cuts the hose between Rookery's stakegun and
his pneumatic air supply. The vampires and Tony take refuge in an
underground crypt, and Tony has a vision in which he sees a woman covering
the body of the Great Magician with a blanket bearing a crest flanked by
two stags and a banner reading "Sola animo at manuforti."Later that night, Tony and Rudolph pay a visit to the McAshton boys.
Tony presents himself as the Lord of the Underworld and Rudolph as "the
fiendish friend of Tony Thompson," and orders the boys to treat Tony with
respect or else they will be bat-bait. The next day at school, the
McAshton boys trip all over themselves to be nice to Tony. It appears that
Tony's problems with the McAshton boys are over.
However, his problems with the McAshtons are just beginning. That
afternoon at tea, Tony's dad shows him a picture of the McAshton crest. Lo
and behold, it is the one from Tony's vision. Later that evening, Tony
goes to the crypt to tell Rudolph of his discovery, only to find Rookery
there. Rookery lowers a bright light into the crypt, but Tony throws a
rock at it and breaks the bulb. Unfortunately, Rudolph's father takes the
full brunt of the light and is severely weakened. After fortifying their
dad on some cowblood, the vampire family moves into Tony's cellar in order
to hide from Rookery. During the night, as Tony tries to sleep, Anna [Anna Popplewell] comes
into his room. She gives him a good luck charm (a dead mouse) from the old
country and tells him to whistle if he should ever need her help.It's Saturday morning, and Tony goes to work with his dad, hoping to
learn more about the McAshton crest and the whereabouts of the amulet.
Unfortunately, Rookery is also there, and Lord McAshton is telling him
about the family history. It seems that the woman in Tony's vision, the
one in which he sees her covering the body of the Great Magician with a
blanket that bears the McAshton crest, was actually Lord McAshton's
ancestor, Elizabeth, and the Great Magician was the vampire Von
Sackville-Bagg. Even more important is the fact that Elizabeth is wearing
the amulet of Attamon in a family portrait and was probably buried with
it. Rookery asks where she is buried, so Lord McAshton takes him to the
family crypt. They open her coffin, but it is empty. Most likely, she was
buried elsewhere, but where?Tony, who has been watching from a balcony, suddenly falls
off...right into the coffin. Rookery, who has also been after Tony, closes
the lid. Tony can't get out, but he remembers his good luck mouse and
whistles for Anna. Although it is daylight, Rudolph and Anna cover
themselves with a blanket and helmets and go to Tony. A mouse leads the
three of them to a secret passage in which they find the real coffin of
Elizabeth McAshton and Von Sackville-Bagg, but the amulet isn't there.
Suddenly, Tony has another vision of Elizabeth burying the stone under the
floorboards of her room...which is now Tony's room.
Rudolph and Tony go to Tony's bedroom and start prying up the
floorboards, but Rookery is wise to them. When Tony refuses to hand over
the stone, Rookery takes Tony, stone and all, for a ride in his
vampiremobile. As they drive along, they are attacked by a herd of flying
vampire cows (the cows on which Rudolph and his family have been feeding)
who cover Rookery's windshield with cowpies.Meanwhile, Frederick and Freda realize that tonight is the night that
the Attamon comet will cross the moon, and all the vampires must be called
to unite on the cliffs. Frederick is still too weak to fly, so they
introduce themselves to Tony's parents and invite them to view the comet,
too, using their car to drive out there. The entire vampire clan is
gathered on the cliff, but where is the amulet?
At the last minute, Rudolph and Tony fly in. Tony gives the amulet to
Frederick who says the magic words. A red light descends from the comet, a
red fog creeps over the vampires, and they all disappear.Epilogue: It is some weeks later. Tony and his parents are at the market in
town when a new family moves in. It is the Sackville-Baggs, but they are
human now. At first they don't recognize Tony, but a little whistle from
Tony brings back their memories. [Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.]
    

The Little Vampire

The Serpent's Kiss


            Richard E. Grant (star of "Gosford Park") plays Dr. Ben Bingham, a middle-aged ear, nose, and throat doctor. Carrie-Anne Moss (known for her role in The Matrix trilogy) plays Amanda, his vibrant wife. Amanda leaves Ben when the idea of sharing an empty nest with her inattentive husband becomes unbearable. Ben becomes depressed and tries to drown himself in alcohol. He walks around in pajamas until his son Justin (Johnny Pacar) give his dad a makeover and introduces him to the social scene. Before long, Ben becomes so popular that he is pursued by his nurse, his personal trainer, and karaoke-loving twin sisters. However, things quickly change when Justin finds himself in love. It is now Bens turn to teach his son the art of romance and in the process recapture his own wife's love.
    

Richard E. Grant

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