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A Birder's Guide to Everything


            Five teenagers climb over an iron gate and break into the mansion at the top of the driveway. The gang's ringleader, Rebecca (Katie Chang), playfully says, "Let's go shopping". The teen robbers steal jewelry, clothing, and artwork before climbing back over the gate. A security camera records their movements.One year earlier.Nicki (Emma Watson) and her quasi-adopted sister Sam (Taissa Farmiga) wake up after a night of partying and grinding against random older men. They go downstairs, where Nicki's mom Laurie (Leslie Mann) gives them their morning dose of Ritalin and leads them in a new age prayer. Laurie home schools the girls and her younger daughter Emily (Georgia Rock) and she begins their lesson, which is based on the book, "The Secret."Elsewhere, Marks (Israel Broussard) mom drives him to his first day at Indian Hills, an alternative high school. Mark struggles to fit in until he meets Rebecca, who shows him around the school. After school, Rebecca and Chloe (Claire Julian) invite Mark to go to the beach with them to smoke pot. Rebecca tells Mark that she wants to go to the same fashion design school as the girls from The Hills. She loves Hollywood's celebrity-crazed culture, and thinks of Lindsey Lohan as her fashion idol. Rebecca tells Mark and Chloe that her mom and her stepdad are out of town, so shes throwing a small party.Later that night, Mark goes to Rebecca's party. She finds him on his own and asks him about his life. When Mark mentions that his dad works for a film distribution company, Rebecca is impressed by his connections to the biz. She asks Mark if he wants to go look at cars outside. Rebecca walks down her street and breaks in to unlocked cars, much to Marks surprise. She finds hundreds of dollars in cash in one car and a bag of pills in another. Although Mark seems uncomfortable with stealing, he doesnt leave, and in fact, begins to help Rebecca.The next week, Rebecca takes Mark for a drive after school. She confesses that she recently went into an unlocked house in her neighborhood because she knew the family was on a vacation. She asks Mark if he knows anyone who is out of town, and he gives her the name of Evan, a boy with whom he hooked up. Rebecca drives to Evans house and is impressed by how large it is. Mark becomes alarmed when Rebecca finds an unlocked door and goes inside, and he tells her they should leave. Rebecca ignores him and explores Evans house. She eventually finds the master bedroom, and in it, a closet full of expensive purses, including one that is similar to one owned by Lindsey Lohan. She steals the purse and a wad of cash she finds in another drawer. Instead of driving away in her own car, Rebecca hops into the sleek convertible parked outside of Evans house. Mark thinks Rebecca is crazy but still climbs into the convertible with her and helps her spend the money she stole at a trendy boutique.Over the following weeks, Mark and Rebecca become even closer. Chloe takes Rebecca and Mark to a nightclub; they get in right away because Chloe is sleeping with the clubs manager Ricky (Gavin Rossdale). Inside, Rebecca introduces Mark to Nicki and Sam. Everyone dances and drinks and takes pictures of their nightclub antics. Nicki claims Jude Law has been texting her nonstop, and Mark spots Paris Hilton and Kirsten Dunst.One night, Mark and Rebecca are looking at celebrity gossip websites and fashion magazines. When Mark tells Rebecca that Paris Hilton is in Las Vegas at a club opening, she asks him to look up Paris's address. Mark finds it online, and Rebecca suggests they go to her house. She wants to break into it and look around. She correctly guesses that Paris is the type to keep her house keys under her welcome mat. Mark starts to panic when he and Rebecca actually enter Paris's mansion, but he becomes distracted when he sees how Paris has decorated her home with pictures of herself. Mark and Rebecca wander through the mansion until they find Pariss gigantic dressing rooms. Rebecca grabs a purse and begins to stuff clothing and jewelry into it. Mark wants to leave, but he is again distracted when he and Rebecca discover Pariss nightclub room, complete with a stripper pole. The two teens take their loot and leave.In an interview set in the future, after he and Rebecca have been caught, Mark says he came to love Rebecca as a sister. She was his first true best friend, which makes their current situation that much more awful. Mark confesses he felt self-loathing at the times of the robberies and wanted to fit in, so he went along with Rebeccas plans.Later, Mark and Rebecca watch an interview with Audrina Patridge. Rebecca loves her sense of style and tells Mark he should look up her address. Mark finds the address, and when they learn Audrina will be at an Oscar Party all night, they decide to break into her home, as well. After successfully robbing Audrinas home, Rebecca and Mark become more brazen and confess their crimes to Chloe, Nicki, and Sam. Nicki becomes obsessed with going to Pariss home to see her nightclub room. I want to rob, she whines.Eventually, when they learn Paris is in Miami, Rebecca and Mark take their friends back to Pariss home. They break in and explore her shoe closet together, although Mark is the only person who can fit into Pariss large heels. They find a stack of Polaroid pictures of Paris (it's implied they're pornographic), but the real score is a bag of cocaine they find in one of Paris's purses. The gang steals clothing, accessories, money, and the bag of cocaine. They snort it at a nightclub, and after much drug-fueled dancing, Chloe drives them home. Unfortunately, she runs a red light, and another car crashes into hers. No one suffers serious injuries, but Chloe is arrested and must clock many hours of community service.Laurie leads Nicki, Sam, and Emily in a daily lesson. She tells the girls to make vision boards filled with people whom they admire; hers is of Angelina Jolie. Someone rings the doorbell. When Nicki answers it, she meets Rob (Carlos Miranda), a handsome water jug delivery man.Mark and Rebecca continue to rob famous celebrities, often with the help of Nicki and Sam. They break into Megan Fox's home and find a gun hidden in a box under their bed. Sam takes the gun and messes around with it, carelessly pointing at people. Mark gets upset when she points the gun at him, which makes her laugh and tease him with the weapon. Later that night, after the robbery, Sam climbs through Robs window and points the gun at him. He grabs her wrist, the gun fires, and she screams. Rob silences her by kissing her passionately.Unbeknownst to the gang of teenagers, Audrina Patridge had security cameras installed in her home. She gave footage from the night of the robbery to police officers, and a specialist finds a clip where Marks face is shown.Rebecca and Mark learn that Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are in New York, so they invite Chloe, Nicki, and Sam to break into their house with them. Miranda and Orlando's home is the mansion with a gate in the opening scene. Inside, Mark finds a box filled with thousands of dollars and several Rolex watches. On her way out, Rebecca grabs a rug and a painting, which Mark feels is going a bit overboard. Next, Rebecca, Mark, Nicki, and Sam break into Rachel Bilson's home by having Emily crawl through the doggy door. Later that night, they go to a party thrown by Chloe and brag to numerous people that they've broken into the homes of multiple celebrities.A news report shows footage from the robberies at Audrina Patridge's home and the home of Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom. Mark and Chloe want to lay off breaking into homes for a while, but Rebecca points out that nothing has happened to them. Mark later confesses that that was the problem: nothing happened after the news report, so they kept breaking into peoples homes. They take Rob to Pariss house with Nicki and Sam, and they also break into the home of Lindsey Lohan. Chloe also takes Mark to Rickys club so that Ricky can help Mark fence his stolen Rolexes. The teens continue to brag about their exploits to many people. Eventually, someone calls the police and gives them their names.Rebecca decides to go and stay with her divorced father in Las Vegas because of problems she has been having with her mom. She asks Mark to hang onto to some of her stolen belongings, which he happily agrees to do. Not long after, detectives come to Marks home and serve his mother with a search warrant of the premises. Mark emerges from his room, crying, and apologizes to his mom. The detectives arrest him. Next, they go to Nicki's house and arrest her too. Nicki cries for her mom and complains that the detectives are hurting her. Chloe, Rob, and Ricky are arrested too. Mark learns that Rebecca purposely left Los Angeles because she thought she could escape prosecution and blame the crimes on him. Detectives in Las Vegas arrive at Rebecca's dads house and serve her with a search warrant. Rebecca initially denies she had anything to do with the robberies, but when officers find stolen goods and Paris's Polaroid pictures in her closet, she breaks down.Nicki parlays her notoriety into an interview with Vanity Fair (which was the inspiration for the movie). She explains to her interviewer that shes a good person who made bad decisions, and the true story will emerge once the case goes to trial. Nicki becomes angry when Laurie interrupts her during the interview and tries to talk about their church, which is also based on The Secret. Nicki claims she works at the church but cannot recall the name of the African country where church members go to build wells.As the trial approaches, Nicki tries to find a conservative outfit to wear to court. Sam sits on her bed and watches her dress (Note: the police could not find evidence that put Sam at the scene of the crimes, so Sam has not been charged with anything). On the day of the trial, Nicki tells the cameras she will make a statement. She blames the burglaries on karma and believes people will want to hear her side of events. Her mom, Sam, and Emily accompany her into the courtroom, where the other defendants wait. Mark looks sadly at Rebecca, who stares straight ahead.Nicki, Chloe, Rob, and Ricky are found guilty and sentenced to one year in county jail. Rebecca and Mark are sentenced to four years in prison. Nicki cries as she exits the courtrooms. Later, Mark, dressed in an orange jumpsuit and shackled to other, older, more hardened men, climbs aboard a bus that will take him to prison.The film ends with Nicki giving an interview to a Hollywood Access type. She served thirty days in jail, and the hardest part for her was waking up so early. She also shared a jail block with Lindsey Lohan. Nicki asks viewers to follow her new life at nickiforever.com in the aftermath of her tenure as member of the so-called 'Bling Ring'.
    

Katie Chang

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