Drunk History


            
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The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants

Only the Young

Hot Streets


            Short Version: Emancipating himself from his crazy girlfriend, Barry Shlotzak is in need of a new start, new challenges, and a new life. Hes about to find it when his best friend, Douglas, convinces him to enter a contest, with the Grand Prize being an internship with the local Bar Starz. Everyone knows the Bars Starz, they are the guys who set the trends, get the girls, and personify coolness. The local Starz, led by Donnie Pintron, test Barry and his fellow contestants on the maxims of nightclub etiquette. In order to make the cut, the contestants must gain entrance into the most exclusive clubs, dress to perfection, and pick up the hottest chicks. Comedy ensues in this wacky world of nightclub denizens.Long Version: Everyone knows the Bar Star. Hes the guy that lives to go out and gets any girl he wants when he does. Hes the guy that sets the trends that everyone follows. The ultimate Bar Star was Ricky Fabulous. He started this whole trend of the Bar Star and it still lives on today
Barry and Douglas go 3000 miles away to San Bernardino Junior College. Douglas is trying to emancipate Barry from his former self, and especially, from Barrys crazy ex-girlfriend, Tiffany. On Barrys first day on campus, he already meets two new girls: Ryann, a sweet, attractive girl who actually talks to him, and Pennie, a sultry seductress who frequents the bar scene and wants nothing to do with Barry.
Douglas plans to make the nerdy Barry a star. He tells Barry all about the different groups of the bar scene. There are groups like the Thorough Heads, guys who wear a lot of sports wear and try to act like Gangsta Rappers, and Box Heads, the guys who wear tight muscle shirts and engage in homoerotic behavior like constantly slapping hands with each other. After a few more staples of the bar like the random old guy or the 14-year-olds, Douglas tells Barry about the ultimate clique: the Bar Stars. The local stars are TJ Fykus, Cory Lemuixk, and the Lord of the Stars, Donnie Pintron, whose sunglasses never come off. The bar almost stops at his entrance as his presence emanates the feelings of a superior being.
The Stars are holding a contest to be their Intern and to be able to roll with them every night (tasks also include making hair and tanning appointments and carrying Lemuixk out of the bar when hes drunk). Douglas gets Barry into the contest.
The four other contestants are Phillip, a black guy who acts like a rich white yuppie, Ussef, a rich Arab who has all the hook-ups, Big Mikey, a white Thorough Head, and Brad Thunder, a dense, one-legged Box Head. To get into a bar for his first challenge, Barry, Douglas, and Ryann go on an adventure to the extreme rural back country to get Barry a fake ID. So, Barry gets into the bar, but Phillip is not so lucky as he gives the Doorman an ID of a white guy he truly believes to be himself.
Douglass final lesson to make Barry a star is to bring him to see Ricky Fabulous, the ultimate Bar Star, who is now in a nursing home. During the visit, Ricky goes crazy and claims that everyones true colors will be shown and all poser will be found.
The next challenge for the Internship is to pick up chicks. Ussef is eliminated when his Uncle comes and drags him out of the bar, never to be seen again. Barry, on the other hand, succeeds in getting a girls phone number, but its Ryanns cousin. On top of that, Ryann sees Barry make out with Pennie, who seems to like Barry now that hes hanging out with the Stars. Ryann storms out and Barry cant stop her.
The next challenge is fashion week. This is where Barry needs Ryann the most, but she wont return his calls. Barry shows up to the bar in a mismatched outfit of snakeskin cowboy boots, a baseball hat, and a sport coat. The Stars are not impressed and Barry is eliminated. Pennie and her friends abandon Barry and dump their drinks on his head.
Barry has lost everything and does nothing for a few days. Then, Ryann shows up at his door to give him back a text book. Barry takes this opportunity to make up with Ryann, but she wants them to be only friends. They decide to go out to see who wins the Internship.
At the bar, Pennie frustratingly shouts out that she is so pissed she never slept with Barry. After hearing this, Ryann is enamored and throws herself into Barrys arms. Fykus then announces the winner of the Internship, and its Brad Thunder! Big Mikey is furious and his crew starts a huge bar fight. In the midst of all the ruckus, a girl walking by slaps Pintron in the face and his sunglasses fly off. When he stands back up, everyone sees that hes cross-eyed! Hes a poser. Douglas picks up Pintrons sunglasses from the ground and puts them on. Everyone around the bar stares at him and chants his name- he is the new Bar Star.
    

Derek Waters

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