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Eastbound & Down

The Righteous Gemstones

Vice Principals

Drunk History

The Mitchells vs the Machines

Good Vibes


            The movie starts off in 1937 when a car pulls up to an empty field with a large rock. Two men get out of the car, and lift the rock, which reveals a sewer opening. The climb down to a military facility and watch behind a two-way mirror as a soldier, smoking marijuana, begins to reveal very graphically what he hates about the army, but still remains very relaxed and happy. The higher-ranking officer immediately closes the project and deems marijuana ILLEGAL!Jump forward to the present is Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) in his car listening to talk radio, smoking pot, and giving his own advice to listeners. He is a process server and drives from client to client, changing into different disguises to more easily serve people court documents and collection notices. On his break, he visits his 18-year-old girlfriend Angie (Amber Heard) at her high school, and tries to avoid going to her house for dinner with her parents, who he has yet to meet. When they're discussing this, a teacher asks for his vistors pass and picks a fight with Dale, who responds very crudely, even giving him the finger several times (one of many funny scenes). Only after seeing Angie talking to good-looking male student does he finally agree to go to dinner.Leaving the school, he calls Saul (James Franco) to pick up some more weed. When he gets to Saul's place, Saul introduces him to Pineapple Express, a rare form of marijuana he got from his supplier Red (Danny McBride). Saul repeatedly tries to keep Dale from leaving, coaxing him with a cross-shaped joint, which creates a trifecta effect when all three points are lit at the same time. After they take a hit, Saul again tries to leave, but Saul begins asking questions about what he does. Saul explains, and tells him he's actually going to serve a man named Ted Jones (Gary Cole) right after leaving. Saul says his supplier Red gets his stuff from a guy named Ted Jones. It would be funny if it were the same guy.Dale gets to Ted's house, but parks to smoke a quick joint. As hes smoking, he notices a cop car pull up behind him, so he ducks down to avoid being noticed. A female cop (Rosie Perez) gets out and marches into Ted's house with her gun drawn. Dale gets freaked out when hears gunshots and looks up at the bedroom in time to see Ted and Carol (the cop) shoot an Asian man. He freaks out and tries to leave quickly, but repeatedly backs into Carol's squad car and another car before making his getaway. In his haste, he threw his joint out of the window. Ted and Carol hear the commotion and come outside. Ted sees the joint, takes a puff, and says, Pineapple Express.Dale gets to Saul's place, but doesn't get in right away because Saul keeps pressing the buzzer too quickly. When he finally gets upstairs, he begins to freak out and vomits on Saul's printer. Saul tries to calm him down, but them mentions Pineapple Express is really rare. Dale asks if he's the only person that has it in town. Saul says yes. Dale again begins to panic. They begin to run around the apartment, trying to figure out what to do. They get the weed, bring some snacks, get the hell out.Driving around, they decide to go nowhere, so they pull off into the woods, begin to smoke. Saul calls Red and tells him they'll be by at noon the next day. Red is not alone in his home. Ted sent his men, Budlofsky and Matheson, who call him to give him the news. Budlofsky is a quiet, white man whos married. Matheson (bouncer from Knocked Up) is a bigger, black man who keeps telling Budlofsky he's gone soft.Dale and Saul begin freaking out in the woods. They become paranoid their phones can be traced, so they decide to smash them. Dale smashes his on a rock, while Saul tries to throw his at a tree, but misses. As they're looking for the phone, Saul panics and thinks he hears something, so he begins running. Dale takes his cue and runs in the opposite direction. They both fall multiple times before making it back to the car. Dale turns on the radio to listen to talk radio.They wake up the next morning to find they slept till 4pm. Dale tries to turn on his car, but the batteries dead, so they have to hike through the woods. Funny sequence of them smoking in the woods and dancing. They hitchhike to Red's place, where Red invites them in for cake. It's obvious hes been beaten up, but he says he's got herpes, which disgusts Saul since they shared joints before. Red says he's going to call his wife; Dale starts to get suspicious and takes the phone. When he doesn't give it back, Red throws an ashtray at him. He and Dale begin to fight. When Dale has him down, he runs into the bathroom and throws it in the toilet. Red and Saul begin to fight and Dale joins in again. (Awesome scene!) They trash Red's house with all the fighting. Red manages to lock himself into the bathroom, and tries to use the phone. Saul and Dale break down the door, knocking Red into the sink, which breaks, and squashing him under the door with Dale on top. He calls time-out, which causes Dale and Saul to momentarily stop, then calls time-in, and throws Dale off the door and runs into his living room. Dale finally throws Red headfirst into a wall to get the fight to end.They duct tape him to his deceased grandfathers wheelchair, and pump him for info. He tells them about Matheson and Budlofsky and promises to help them get away. Just them, Matheson and Budlofsky knock on the door. Dale and Saul run out the back way and into an alley to hide. Red immediately tells Matheson and Budlofsky, who call Ted with the news. Ted tells them to kill Red, so they each shoot him in the stomach and leave. Ted begins to wonder if Dale works with the Asians he's at war with, who are camped outside his house. Dale realizes if Red tells Ted's guys who he is, then Angie's in danger since she has things in his apartment, so they run to Angie's house.When they get there, Dale goes in, looking and smelling horrible. Angie is upset with his appearance and lateness, and as he tries to explain the whole situation, her father goes to get his gun. When Saul notices Matheson and Budlofsky outside, he runs inside to warn them only to be stabbed in the shoulder with a fork by Angie. Dale explains Saul is the good drug dealer, his drug dealer just before her father arrives with his gun and begins shooting at them. Dale calms them down and gets them to leave the house before the others get there. He tells Angie to go to a motel on the other side of town and use the name Garagely. He and Saul hide in a tree for the night. They talk. Saul tells Dale he considers him a friend.The next morning, they decide to sell weed to make some money, so they sell a few handfuls to some high school kids. While Saul gets them food, Dale just sits back and smokes. A cop driving by catches him. She arrests him and alerts officers, including Carol, of their location. He explains the situation to her. She seems to believe him, asking him for more info. Saul sees Dale in the back seat and assumes the cop is Carol, so he creates a division while she's driving towards him. He throws himself on her car and throws cherry slushies at the windshield. When she gets out to see who she hit, he climbs into the driver's seat and reverses the car. She begins firing at them, and Carol tries to ram them from behind. A very funny car chase ensues. He cant find the wipers, so he kicks the windshield with his foot, only to have it get stuck, so he drives around with his foot through the window. They lose Carol by getting her to ram several cars and flip hers.When they get out of the car, Dale calls Angie to see how shes doing. They argue and basically break up. Dale suggests to Saul they stop smoking, so they can be more aware of whats going on. Saul disagrees and this leads to an argument between them, where Dale coldly tells Saul they aren't friends, which upsets Saul and causes them to go their separate ways. Saul goes to the park and cries as he eats a sandwich. Dale calls Angie, and cries he loves her and how important she is to him. She responds she loves him back, and explains how she kept thinking she wants to marry him. This immediately stops Dale from crying and causes him to backtrack what he meant, and how quickly they're moving. This just pisses Angie off and causes her to hang up on Dale. He then looks up the address of Saul's grandmother whos in a nearby retirement home.Saul arrives at the home and is surprised by Matheson and Budlofsky. As he tries to get away, he smashes a coffee pot in Matheson's face, but is tackled by Budlofsky before he can get away. Dale arrives to find the police taking statements from Saul's grandmother and other residents. He realizes Saul's with Ted's guys and goes to Red's house. He finds Red in his bathroom with noodles and a knife. He attempts to pump Red up to rescue Saul, but Red mentions he's been shot and is probably close to death. After a minute, he says what the hell and gets up to unveil his stash of guns. They arm themselves then take Red's Daewoo Lamas to the farmhouse where Red grows his marijuana, the same facility used in the beginning of the movie.At the farm, Matheson reveals he now has a terrible scar on the side of his face and attempts to attack Saul. Budlofsky forces him to lock Saul in a room downstairs, the same room where the soldier in the beginning was being observed. Dale and Red arrive, but Red chickens out and goes home. Dale busts in and holds one of Ted's men hostage, hoping to trade him for Saul. It fails when Budlofsky shoots the guy and also forces Dale into the room with Saul.While there, they talk and make up, which annoys Matheson since he heard from outside. When he leaves again, they attempt to break the ropes around their hands by using the buckle of Dales belt. The commotion sounds like they're having sex, which freaks out Matheson, who they attack. He fires a shot at Dale and then is shot by Saul. Dale is alive, but was shot in the ear (Think Evander Holyfield). They arm themselves with guns that are around, while the Asians attack Ted, Carol, and their men from above. A huge gunfight goes down. Carol covers Ted so he can go down and see whats going on, they kiss before he goes. Dale and Saul kill a few of Ted's men. Dale helps Saul into an airduct, but is shot at by Ted before he can make it up there too.Dale and Ted have a shootout, then a fight. Ted tries to bite Dale's ear, but realizes too late it's bloody. He screams in disgust, which gives Dale time to pummel. They hit each other with fire extinguishers, fluorescent lights and pipes. Just as Dales winning, an Asian guy throws a bomb towards them. They run to avoid it, but Ted is blown into a wall and killed.In the meantime, after Saul climbs out of the vent and he goes back inside the farmhouse and ends up fighting Carol. They have a pretty good fight, before he ultimately wins. Just as he is about to finish her off, Budlofsky fires a shot. He decides to go home to his wife rather than get more involved. As hes leaving, hes shot by Matheson, who is about to shoot Saul when he is rammed by Red's Daewoo Lamas. Hes doing a little victory dance when Carol shoots him several times. When shes about to shoot Saul, the explosion from below blows the car onto Carol, killing her. Dale climbs out, and notices his pants are on fire, so he takes them off. He then pulls an unconscious Saul out of the burning building.When he comes too, they get up in time to see the farmhouse explode. Oddly enough, Red crawls out, still alive. They celebrate their escape with breakfast at a nearby dinner. Red makes a joke about how hes probably dying, and as they take a moment to reflect on the miracle of their escape, he falls unconscious. They think hes dead, but he comes to when they call him. Sauls grandmother arrives and they climb into her car.
    

Pineapple Express


            Forty years after the Haddonfield murders in 1978, two journalists, Aaron Korey and Dana Haines, travel to Smith's Grove Sanitarium to interview Michael Myers, who was captured after Dr. Samuel Loomis shot him off of the Doyle house balcony at the end of the movie. Dr. Ranbir Sartain, Michael's new psychiatrist after Dr. Loomis' death, inform them that Michael is able to speak, but chooses not to. Dana records the event as Aaron approaches Michael and talks to him, but fails to get him to speak, even after showing him his mask and mentioning Laurie Strode.The two journalists leave Smith's Grove Sanitarium and drive to Laurie's house, a heavily fortified and decrepit homestead, and bribe her for an interview, which she reluctantly accepts. Laurie has spent the last forty years dealing with post-traumatic stress and preparing for Michael's inevitable return. Her feelings have resulted in two failed marriages and losing custody of her daughter Karen at a young age. Aaron and Dana tell Laurie their interest in finding out why Michael committed the murders in 1978 and ask her to meet with him in a final attempt to get him to speak before he's transferred to a maximum security prison. Laurie kicks them out of her house, but not before taking the money they offered.As the transport is being prepared and patients are loaded onto the bus, Dr. Sartain insists on accompanying Michael, and the bus departs. In Haddonfield, Laurie's granddaughter and Karen's daughter, Allyson, is walking to school with two friends and tells them the stress that her family endures due to her grandmother's past, and debunks the town rumor that Michael is Laurie's brother. In class, Allyson looks out of the window to see Laurie watching her. She meets with her grandmother who gives her the three thousand dollars from Aaron and Dana and tells her to have fun. During a family dinner at Karen's house, Laurie arrives and has a panic attack and Allyson comforts her. Meanwhile, the bus transport crashed in a ditch, the security guards were killed, and the inmates were scattered about the road. A man and his son driving down the road happen upon the bus and investigate. While the father disappears, his son grabs a rifle from the truck and encounters a fatally wounded security guard that tells him to run. He investigates the bus and is startled by Dr. Sartain, shooting him in the shoulder accidentally. Fleeing back to the truck, he calls the police; Michael appears from the back seat and kills him.The following morning, Sheriff Frank Hawkins explains to a deputy that Michael Myers escaped the transport and will most certainly return to Haddonfield to finish what he started four decades prior. Aaron and Dana arrive at a gas station; Dana leaves Aaron to use the bathroom while he goes inside to pay for the gas. With the inside of the station deserted, he stumbles upon a dead mechanic missing his overalls and a cashier whose jaw was ripped open. Meanwhile, Michael attacks Dana in the bathroom, and when Aaron arrives to save Dana, Michael kills him by bashing him into the door numerous times, killing him, before strangling Dana to death. Michael inspects their vehicle and recovers his mask, putting it on. Laurie learns about the transport crash and breaks into Karen's house to demonstrate her lack of security. After a brief argument about Michael with Karen and her husband, Ray, Laurie leaves and heads to the gas station in time to witness the bodies of Aaron and Dana being recovered.On Halloween night, Michael wanders a populated street in Haddonfield, littered with families and children trick-or-treating. He finds his way into a shed behind a house and takes a hammer before going inside to kill the sole occupant. He replaces the hammer with a kitchen knife and moves to the house next door, killing another woman by stabbing the knife through her throat. Allyson is at a school-sanctioned Halloween party with her friends and receives a call from Vicky, inviting her to come over once Julian, the kid she's babysitting, falls asleep. Allyson gets into an altercation with her boyfriend, Cameron, who throws her phone, just as Laurie was calling to warn her to go home. At Julian's house, he tells Vicky that he saw a masked man standing in the doorway, but Vicky dismisses it as his imagination and puts Julian to bed as her boyfriend, Dave, arrives. As Vicky checks the closet at Julian's request, she opens the door and is attacked by Michael who was hiding inside; Julian flees the house and calls the police. Laurie, patrolling the streets in her truck, hears the dispatch call on her CB radio and hurries to the house, where Sheriff Hawkins is investigating. He finds Vicky's corpse and Laurie shoots Michael through a window, only to find out it's his reflection in a mirror. Laurie and Hawkins patrol behind the neighboring houses and find Michael; Laurie shoots him, but as she turns the corner, Michael is gone.Allyson ditches her boyfriend at the party and allows her friend Oscar to walk her home. Allyson rejects his advances and Oscar lags behind, spotting Michael watching him. Oscar tries to escape, but is caught on a fence and Michael impales him. Allyson turns back and finds Oscar's body and is chased by Michael before finding refuge in a neighboring home. Karen and Ray arrive at Laurie's fortified home and wait for Allyson to arrive. Hawkins encounters Dr. Sartain and in turn, find Allyson during their search for Michael. Finding Michael, Hawkins runs him over with the police SUV and gets out of the vehicle to shoot Michael at point-blank range, despite Dr. Sartain's protests. Dr. Sartain stabs Hawkins in the throat with a blade hidden inside of a pen and kills him before taking Michael's mask and trying it on. Dr. Sartain loads Michael into the back of the vehicle with Allyson and drives to Laurie's house, intent on reuniting them. Michael regains consciousness and reclaims his mask, and Allyson informs Dr. Sartain that Michael spoke to her; distracted by demanding to know what Michael said, Michael breaks through the security barrier, forces Dr. Sartain out of the vehicle, and stomps on his head as Allyson flees on foot.Ray steps outside to offer coffee to the police officers stationed outside Laurie's house and finds them dead. Michael appears behind Ray and strangles him. Laurie alerts Karen to Michael's arrival and sends her into the hidden safe room as she locks and barricades the front door. Michael breaks through the glass panels in the door and attacks Laurie, who escapes by shooting Michael's hand with a shotgun, stripping him of two fingers, forcing him to retreat. Laurie patrols her house room by room and seals each room off with security gates. Laurie encounters Michael upstairs; Allyson arrives as Laurie and Michael stab each other and witnesses Laurie fall from the balcony. When she investigates, Laurie is gone and Allyson makes her way into the safe room with Karen, who alerts Michael. As he appears, Karen shoots him with a rifle and stuns him. Laurie appears from the shadows and attacks Michael, sending him tumbling down the steps into the safe room.Karen and Allyson leave the safe room, but Michael regains consciousness and grabs Karen's ankle. Allyson stabs Michael with his own knife and the two escape the room. Laurie flips a switch and metal bars spring into place, barricading the exit and trapping Michael in the safe room as it fills with gas. Laurie lights a flare and tosses it through the bars, setting the room ablaze with Michael in it. Laurie, Karen, and Allyson escape as the house is engulfed in flames and hitch a ride in the back of a pickup truck coming down the road. The three women embrace as they're taken to safety.
    

Halloween


            In a prologue, business magnate Peter Weyland speaks with his newly activated android, who chooses the name "David" after observing a replica of Michelangelo's statue of David. Weyland tells David that one day they will search for mankind's creator together. David comments on his own unlimited lifespan compared to his creator's limited one.In 2104, 11 years after the 'Prometheus' expedition, the colonization ship 'Covenant' is bound for a remote planet, Origae-6, with a crew of 15, two thousand colonists in stasis and 1,140 human embryos aboard. The ship is monitored by Walter, a newer android model that physically resembles David. A stellar burst damages the ship, killing 47 colonists. Walter orders the ship's computer to wake the crew, which includes several married couples. The ship's captain, Jake Branson, is burned alive when his stasis pod malfunctions. While repairing the ship, the crew picks up a radio transmission from a nearby, habitable planet. Against the objections of Daniels (Branson's widow), the new captain, Oram, decides to investigate.As the Covenant remains in orbit, an expedition team descends to the earth-like planet's surface and tracks the transmission's signal to a crashed alien ship. Crew members Ledward and Hallett are infected by alien spores. Oram's wife Karine helps the rapidly-sickening Ledward back to the lander where Maggie, the pilot, quarantines them both inside the med-bay. A small, pale, alien creature (neomorph) bursts from Ledward's back, killing him, and then kills Karine. Maggie attempts to kill the creature with a shotgun, but triggers an explosion which kills her and destroys the lander. The neomorph escapes while a similar creature bursts from Hallett's mouth.The neomorphs attack the remaining crew members and kill one. The crew manages to kill a neomorph before David, who survived the 'Prometheus' mission, scares away the other, and leads the crew to a temple in a city full of humanoid (Engineer) corpses. David tells them that upon his and fellow 'Prometheus' survivor Elizabeth Shaw's arrival at the planet, their ship released a black liquid bio-weapon which annihilated the native population and that Shaw died when the ship crashed in the ensuing chaos. After the crew members tell David of their mission, they attempt to contact the 'Covenant' but are prevented by fierce storms. The surviving neomorph infiltrates the structure and kills crew member Rosenthal. David tries to communicate with the creature, but is horrified when Oram kills it. Oram questions David who reveals that the aliens are a result of his experimenting, with the black liquid (formed from the blood of the first Deacon) and a facehugger egg found in the Engineer city, in an attempt to create a new species even more superior to himself, just as he believes himself superior to the humans that created him, and the humans to be superior to the Engineers. He manipulates Oram into being attacked by an alien facehugger. An alien creature (xenomorph) later erupts from Oram's chest, killing him.As the others search for Oram and Rosenthal, Walter, who has found Shaw's dissected corpse, confronts David. David explains that he believes humans are a inferior species and should not be allowed to colonize the galaxy. When Walter disagrees, David disables him, and threatens Daniels. Walter recovers (being a superior model capable of self-repair) and confronts David while Daniels escapes as they fight. A facehugger attacks security chief Lope, but he is later rescued by crew member Cole. The now fully grown Xenomorph appears and kills Cole, while Lope escapes and meets up with Daniels. Pilot Tennessee arrives in another lander to extract Daniels, Lope, and Walter, who claims David has "expired". After an encounter outside the ship, they kill the Xenomorph and return to the 'Covenant'.The next morning, Daniels and Tennessee find out that another Xenomorph burst from Lope's chest, killing him, and is loose on the Covenant. It matures, and kills crew members Ricks and his wife Upworth. Tennessee and Daniels lure the creature into the Covenant's terraforming bay and flush it into space.The 'Covenant' resumes its trip to Origae-6, and the surviving crew re-enters stasis. As Walter puts Daniels under, she realizes that he is in fact David, but is unable to escape her stasis pod before falling asleep. David regurgitates two facehugger embryos and places them in cold storage alongside the human embryos before entering the cargo bay containing the colonists in stasis. He then poses as Walter to record a log stating that all crew members except Daniels and Tennessee were killed by the neutrino blast at the beginning of the film and that the ship is still on course for Origae-6.
    

Alien: Covenant

Chozen


            The film starts with Red (voice of Jason Sudeikis ) running through the forest frantically with an egg. Red runs into trees and several other animals before making it to the home of a bird family. He puts on a clown get-up and starts singing to little Timmy for his hatch-day, but Timmy is scared of clowns. Timmy's dad (voice of Hannibal Buress) chastises Red for showing up late to the party, as well as for damaging the cake (which he carried in the egg). The dad refuses to pay for the cake, causing Red to snap and shove the cake in his face. As he tries leaving, Red accidentally cracks the family's new egg, making his face the first thing the hatchling sees.Red lives on Bird Island in a house by the beach, away from the rest of the other flightless birds. As a kid, he was mocked for his huge eyebrows, and to this day, he still has no friends. He is put on trial by Timmy's family for his anger. Judge Peckinpah (voice of Keegan-Michael Key) calls Red out for his anger issues, to which Red responds by pulling off his robe and showing he is a small bird standing on top of another bird named Cyrus (voice of Tony Hale). Peckinpah then sentences Red to anger management classes.Red begrudgingly goes to the class. He sees the welcome sign bird out front and is annoyed by the chuckle it makes. He chooses to ignore it until the sign knocks him in the head, and then he tackles it and hurls it against the hut. Red goes inside the hut and meets the teacher, Matilda (voice of Maya Rudolph). She introduces him to the other attendants - Chuck (voice of Josh Gad), a really fast bird who got in trouble for causing mischief with his speed; Bomb (voice of Danny McBride), a bird who literally blows up under stress; and Terence (voice of Sean Penn), a huge bird that only grunts and has apparently done unspeakable things. The birds then try yoga exercises to stay calm, but Bomb ends up exploding. After the class, Chuck and Bomb invite Red to hang out, but he turns them down. He goes home alone.During the next class, the birds are told to write poems. Chuck recites his over his dismay regarding the welcome sign bird being trashed, and everyone knows it's Red. Terence punches him into the wall. Suddenly, all the birds on the island get curious when Stella (voice of Kate McKinnon) announces something is coming, and they see a ship pulling onto the shore and knocking into Red's house. From the ship emerges a bearded pig named Leonard (voice of Bill Hader) and his assistant Ross (also Tony Hale). They come from Piggy Island. Leonard says it's just the two of them, and he wants to befriend the birds. Red is suspicious, but everyone dismisses it as his anger for getting his house wrecked.That night, the birds throw a celebration for the pigs' arrival. Leonard introduces them to trampolines and a giant slingshot. Leonard picks Red from the audience after numerous snarky comments, and Red gets launched into the beach. He is quickly joined by Chuck and Bomb as they decide to sneak onto the pigs' ship. After finding other trampolines and various other items, they discover dozens of other pigs stowed away on the ship. Red brings them all back to the village and accuses Leonard of lying. Leonard says they're his cousins and that he wanted to put on a cowboy show for them. The lead cowboy, Earl (voice of Blake Shelton), gets his show going, while Peckinpah finds it more awful that Red decided to sneak onto the pigs' boat.The pigs start to get comfortable on Bird Island, with all the other birds (except Red) taking pleasure in their stay. Red then gets suspicious when he sees Leonard eyeballing an egg. He gets Chuck and Bomb to help him spy on the pigs. They then decide to search for Mighty Eagle (voice of Peter Dinklage), a legendary bird said to only be a myth, but also the protector of the island.The three birds climb a mountain to reach Mighty Eagle, leaving Red to listen to Chuck and Bomb making noises that they think would be Mighty Eagle's battle cry. They then realize they climbed the wrong mountain, forcing them to take another long journey up the real mountain. They find the Lake of Wisdom, so Chuck and Bomb start swimming and drinking from it. Mighty Eagle then appears and starts peeing in the lake (to their horror and disgust). Unlike the heroic and muscular image they had of him, Mighty Eagle is older and fat. Still, Red is excited to meet his longtime idol. However, instead of helping the birds, Mighty Eagle just indulges in his prized possessions and his own theme song.Red finds Mighty Eagle looking through his binoculars to spy on an old lady bird. When Red looks through it, he spots the pigs placing TNT and dynamite around the village. Red, Chuck, and Bomb rush back to the village and come across the pigs stealing the eggs while the other birds are attending a party the pigs threw for them. Chuck rushes into the party to warn everyone while Red and Bomb run to the ship. They grab onto the net holding all the eggs. Bomb climbs up the chain to try and blow it up, but Leonard and his henchpigs spray him with a hose, knocking him and Red into the water.The next morning, all the birds in the village see the ruin of their homes and the loss of their eggs. Peckinpah approaches Red and expresses remorse for not listening to him when he suspected the pigs. When asked for a plan, Red says they must make their own boat and follow the pigs back to their island, and they are gonna have to get angry if they want their eggs back.The birds build their boat and attach the giant slingshot to it. They arrive at Piggy Island outside the pigs' city. Leonard, who also happens to be their King Mudbeard, presents the eggs to the other pigs as they prepare to feast on them. The birds then set up the slingshot to launch themselves into the city. Matilda goes first, and she shoots explosive eggs out of her butt. Hal the boomerang bird (voice of Anthony Padilla) goes next, but he ends up flying back toward the birds. Bubbles (voice of Ian Hecox) follows, and he inflates to a massive size against the pigs. Stella follows, but she can't reach the castle. Red gets launched toward the castle as he bounces off a boulder. Chuck and Bomb go soon after him. Terence tries to launch himself, but he ends up breaking the slingshot.Red, Chuck, and Bomb infiltrate the castle and find the room where the eggs are being stored. Using his super-speed, Chuck causes the guard pigs to turn on each other, leaving them free to run in and get the eggs. Unfortunately, they are being brought into the dining hall where they are ready to get boiled. Red is holding on to the top of the net and then tackles the pig lowering them into the pot so he can pull them up. Mighty Eagle then swoops down to join in the fight. Red helps him get the net of eggs away and out of the castle. As the birds try to escape, Leonard holds onto Red. The pull causes one blue egg to slip out of the net. Red stays behind to save it. Mighty Eagle flies away with the eggs, but the pigs are headed toward them on their planes. Bomb drops down and makes a huge explosion to stop them from flying off the ramp.Red and Leonard fight for the egg, resulting in a huge boulder dropping them down to the bottom of the castle where the pigs keep their stash of explosives. Leonard has the egg and starts taunting Red, until Red calmly distracts him and pulls a box of TNT that makes Leonard slip and fall toward him. Red grabs the egg and waits for the giant pot to fall down so he can hide in it for protection, leaving Leonard to get blown up as the explosives go off, causing the whole city to be destroyed. The rest of the birds see the explosion as Mighty Eagle brings the eggs down. All the birds take their eggs back, except the parents of the blue egg. The birds then get sad as they think Red died, but he emerges from the rubble and pulls out three blue hatchlings that came from the egg. He brings them back to their parents.Mighty Eagle gets all the credit for the egg rescue, but the birds are still thankful to Red for his heroics by rebuilding his home, this time in the village with everyone else. The hatchlings then sing a song for Red, which really moves him. Chuck and Bomb then invite Red to hang out, but he decides to stay home alone. The two are about to leave disappointed, but Red says he was joking and he invites them inside.During the closing credits, the birds are dancing. The pigs, who somehow survived the explosion, are also dancing. Leonard then says he is hatching up a new scheme. Finally, the Blues sneak off to the slingshot and launch themselves together over the ocean before separating just like in the games.
    

The Angry Birds Movie


            Small town Tae Kwon Do instructor Fred Simmons relishes the power that comes from being the king of a small kingdom. A former champion, Mr. Simmons fancies himself one in the same as his hero, Chuck "The Truck" Wallace, a B-movie Martial Arts film star. Mr. Simmons openly boasts about his self-proclaimed status as "king of the demo" [Tae Kwon Do demonstration], even though he can't nail one to save his life. His only vulnerability lies in his adoration of his wife Suzie - a weakness that comes bubbling to the surface when Mr. Simmons discovers Suzie has cheated on him with her new boss. When Suzie leaves him, Mr. Simmons finds himself slipping into a crushing downward spiral. He struggles to keep "the power" by abusing anyone who challenges him. After losing students and making a fool out of himself, he finds allies in Julio Chavez, his nine-year-old apprentice, and Henry Harrison, one of his students with an "obvious confidence problem." When his bizarre best friend Mike McAllister comes to visit, the four make a pilgrimage to meet the greatest Martial Artist of all time, "The Truck," at a Tae Kwon Do convention. What starts as a crazy man's expedition to escape turns into a trip of discovery, as Mr. Simmons and his crew party with "The Truck" and Mr. Simmons convinces him to perform a demo at his Tae Kwon Do school during the upcoming belt-qualifying testing. Inspired with renewed strength, Fred returns from the convention clear-headed and at the top of his game, until he is shocked by an unexpected turn of events when Suzie returns home, and the "The Truck" flies in from Hollywood to appear at his Tae Kwon Do school. In the end, Mr. Simmons faces the greatest test of his power and finds the strength he outwardly projects within his own spirit.[Since the discussion page is broken and I feel that an explanation is needed, I'll make it here. For some reason, what should have been the Synopsis was posted in the Summary, and visa-versa. Because of that, I copied-and-pasted the contents of the Summary page here, and submitted what was here (in the Synopsis) as a correction for the Summary. I don't claim to be the author of either piece of text.]
    

The Foot Fist Way

30 Minutes or Less

Arizona

The Catechism Cataclysm

Halloween Kills

The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter


            Thadeous and Fabious (Danny McBride and James Franco) are two sons of King Tallious (Charles Dance). They are both warriors, but Fabious is dashing and skilled and Thadeous is lazy and ineffectual with both an inferiority complex and poor track record in quest taking. While celebrating his latest victory over the evil sorcerer who has been ravaging Tallious's kingdom, Leezar (Justin Theroux), Fabious introduces the virgin Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) he freed from a tower and wishes to marry her. Though he is made the best man, Thadeous skips the wedding after overhearing Fabious's Elite Knights, led by Boremont (Damian Lewis), talk about him negatively. But the wedding is then crashed by Leezar, revealing himself to be the one who placed Belladona in the tower before spiriting her away. Returning to the castle with his servant Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker), Thadeous is forced into joining Fabious on his quest to rescue Belladonna.Visiting the perverted Great Wise Wizard, Thadeous and Fabious learn that Leezar is attempting to fulfill a prophecy of a warlock having hard-core sex with a maiden when the two Moons converge, impregnating her with a dragon that will allow him to take over King Tallious' kingdom. To destroy Leezar, they are given a magic compass that would lead them to the fabled Sword of Unicorn which is located within a labyrinth. On the way there, after finding that Fabious's slave, Julie (Toby Jones) has been reporting to Leezar of their progress, Thadeous and Fabious learn that Elite Knights are also serving the warlock and escape from them alongside Courtney. While collecting themselves at a river, after his brother sends his mechanical bird Simon to tell the king of the Elite Knights' betrayal and request reinforcements, Thadeous, Fabious and Courtney are captured by nymphs under their leader, Marteetee (John Fricker), who imprisons them at an arena where Fabious kills off Marateetee's finest warrior. In retaliation, Marteetee summons his hydra-like familiar to kill them.However, Thadeous and Fabious are rescued by Isabel (Natalie Portman), a warrior that is seeking revenge for her father's murder at Marteetee's hands. Later that night, as Fabious and Courtney leave them for the mood to set in, Thadeous learns that Isabel is also after Leezar for the slaughter of her brothers before accidentally revealing their quest and the compass to her. The next day, the party learn too late that Isabel stole the compass from Thadeous and ran off. Finally infuriated of his brother's selfish behavior as they arrive to a village, Fabious decides to find the Sword of Unicorn alone as Thadeous and Courtney go to a tavern, where they find Isabel and steal the compass back. But finding that his brother has been captured by Leezar's men, Thadeous wins Isabel over as they join forces, entering the labyrinth where they encounter a minotaur. Getting separated from the others, Thadeous retrieves the Sword of Unicorn and, after a test of worth, slays the minotaur as Isabel uses a panflute to soothe the monster as he is about to rape Courtney. A changed man, proudly wearing the minotaur's severed penis as a trophy necklace when unable to get one of the beast's horns, Thadeous and his group make their way to Leezar's castle and free Fabious while giving him the Sword of Unicorn. As the others kill off Julie and Boremont's men along with Leezar's mothers, Fabious uses the Sword of Unicorn to end Leezar's life before he is able to rape Belladonna, saving the kingdom.After their victory, the heroes go back home, but Isabel goes on another quest. Fabious and Belladonna marry as Thadeous retreats to his bedroom to masturbate before going to bed. There, he is approached by Isabel, who reveals that she has fallen in love with him. However, for them to have sex, he must first slay the witch that cast a spell on her, locking her in a chastity belt. Though he is not in the mood to go out, Isabel's suggestion to cuddle convinces him to go on a new adventure.
    

Your Highness

Don Verdean


            Three years after being kicked out of the science department for his theory of Time warps, and his attempt on Matt Lauer's life, Rick Marshall is reduced to working as a teacher at the George C. Page Museum until he meets Holly Cantrell whose finding urges him to create a tachyon amplifier to enable time warp travel. They go to the Devils Cave attraction where the finding was found, hiring its tour guide Will Stanton. But once they've activated the tachyon amplifier, losing it in the process, the three end up in a parallel universe where all timelines converge. They soon meet some ape men, Pakuni, two of whom were going to kill the younger one, when Stanton unintentionally gives the other two the secret of fire as they run off. The gang then proceed to help the other one, named Cha-Ka, until he runs off with them in pursuit.Once catching up to Cha-Ka, they are trapped by a tree which turns out to be a dinosaur feeding site, being attacked by a Tyrannosaurus. The T. rex chases them until they come to a small land bridge. Marshall is convinced they are safe as he explains how a T. rex has a walnut-sized brain, and is incapable of judging depth and distance. Hearing this as he stalks away, the T. rex stops in his tracks, turns, and runs full speed to jump across the chasm. Chasing them until they reach a crevice in a cave, it gives up, though still wanting to eat Marshall. Holly, knowing the dinosaur's attitude, gives him the name "Grumpy". Though Marshall didn't believe it to be possible, Grumpy's vendetta becomes more apparent when he leaves a gift, beach-ball sized walnut, gift-wrapped.The next day, Cha-Ka brings fruit full of spiders. Rick pours dinosaur urine all over himself as a way to masks his scent from "Grumpy" he then has visions about a strange creature begging for his help, running out into the Lost City. The others follow as Cha-Ka gets agitated and attempts to tell them they should leave as they are attacked by the slow yet deadly Sleestaks. But when the Pylon opens, Marshall and company enter, meeting the creature who contacted them, Enik. Enik tells them that the evil Zarn is out to control the universe and needs the tachyon amplifier.In spite of Will's feelings, Marshall offers his aid as Cha-Ka takes the group through the jungle and onto a salt flat landscape that is a feeding site for Compsognathus and Velociraptors, who proceed to tear an ice cream man to pieces until Grumpy comes and scares them off. However, a female Allosaurus arrives as well. The two territorial predators prepare to fight when the both of them catch Marshall's urine-drenched scent and chase after him. Though managing to outsmart Grumpy, Marshall runs from "Big Alice", the Allosaurus, until he reaches Holly and Will, using the tank of liquid nitrogen to freeze the Allosaur before she explodes with the tachyon amplifier among her remains. After that, a Pteranodon steals their time machine.Though down in the dumps, Marshall regains his confidence as he attempts to apologize to his friends in song (The theme song to the original TV series) while unknowingly attacked by a giant mosquito. After managing to get the tachyon amplifier back from a nest of pterosaurs, they return to a motel back in the salt flat. While Marshall, Will and Cha-Ka laze in the pool, Holly goes, finding a Pylon. Inside, she finds dinosaur eggs lodged in dinosaur feces, taking one out before she find a holographic message from the Zarn, learning that Enik is the real villain and being taken by a Sleestak to stand trial for aiding him.Meanwhile, after eating a Giant Crab, which killed itself by stepping on a geyser while advancing on them, the three realize Holly's missing and go find her. They meet two mating Sleestaks, that shed their skin, which Marshall and Will use to disguise themselves while Cha-Ka goes to get Enik. Arriving to Holly's aid as she is condemned to death by the Library of Skulls, Marshall and Will learn that Enik was the one who wiped out the Altrusians while confirming Will's feelings about the villain's tunic. After saving Holly, the gang confront Enik and his Sleestak slaves, taking the tachyon amplifier while revealing his plans on using the Sleestaks to overpopulate the worlds. He then leaves Marshall and company to their fate as Grumpy arrives to get his revenge.Seeing no other way, Marshall takes on Grumpy one-on-one, ending with Marshall vaulting into the dinosaur's mouth. Though Holly chides him for it, Grumpy shrugs her off and leaves as she and Will attempt to fight off the numerous Sleestaks. However, after being excreted out while taking out some intestinal trouble, Marshall and a "less grumpy" Grumpy make their peace as they arrive to kill most of the Sleestaks. Entering the Pylon, Marshall and company manage to destroy the crystal shard that powers it, with Will choosing to stay with Cha-Ka in the Land of the Lost while holding Enik off so Marshall and Holly can return home. Will takes advantage of his new life by meeting Cha-Ka's harem which he was told earlier by Cha-Ka that they were ugly only to find them to be very hot Caribbean tanned women wearing only a loincloth. He almost immediately get surrounded by half a dozen women who start rubbing him all over. He responds to this by saying " I made the right choice."Back on Earth, Matt Lauer reluctantly gives a second interview with Marshall this time proven right and proceeds to rub it in Matt Lauer's face by bringing a dinosaur egg back and giving him a signed copy of his new book. But after being forced to show off the title of Marshall's new book, ''Matt Lauer Can Suck It'', history repeats itself with Matt trying to kill Marshall. Soon after the show ended, unaware of what Marshall and she left behind on the set, the dinosaur egg Holly found hatches into a baby Sleestak. [D-Man2010]
    

Danny McBride

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