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Bitchin': The Sound and Fury of Rick James


            
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Black Jesus

The Comedy Get Down

Paper Soldiers


            A ship of dead men steers into Brooklyn harbor. It keeps going until
it runs aground. A large wolf jumps from the ship. The wolf is the vampire
Maximilian [Eddie Murphy], the sole survivor of the massacre of a tribe of vampires
living on an island in the Bermuda Triangle. Max has come to Brooklyn to
find Rita Veder [Angela Bassett], the half-vampire daughter born to a human and a vampire
from his tribe.Meanwhile, Julius Jones [Kadeem Hardison] isn't having a good night. First, there was
that ship that ran aground and plowed right through the building where he
and Silas Green [John Witherspoon] were working. Then his woman kicked him out of the house
for snoring while otherwise engaged. Now, two thugs are after him for his
money or his blood. Then, just as Julius is about to meet his maker, the
vampire Maximilian shows up, neatly kills off the two thugs, and informs
Julius that he is to become his renfield and that the first thing he must
do is retrieve Max's coffin from the ship.Ship and dock are crawling with the law, one of whom is Detective
Rita Veder. Rita and her partner Justice [Allen Payne] have been sent to investigate the
accident in the harbor and the 18 bodies aboard that were found drained of
blood. While checking out the ship, Rita falls through a rotten floorboard
and lands in the cargohold where she finds a coffin and gets a glimpse of
Max, who recognizes her immediately. Rita chases him, but he disappears.
When she returns to the cargohold, the coffin is gone, a human ear
remaining in its place. Max and Julius take the coffin to Julius's house,
an apartment he rents from Silas.The ship's log is retrieved, but it is written in some obscure
language that no one at the university can decipher, so it is sent to Dr
Zeko for translation. Zeko's turns out to be a nightclub, but Zeko [Zakes Mokae] is able
to tell that the log speaks about a nosferatu on board. As Rita sits at a
table, waiting for Justice to return from a phone call, she doesn't notice
that a cobra in a nearby terrarium has escaped and is crawling toward her.
Fortunately, Max is seated nearby and catches the cobra just in time,
giving Max the perfect opportunity to introduce himself to Rita. He asks
her to dance, believing that one dance with him will make her his, but
Justice returns and Julius butts in with his jive talk, so Rita splits,
not at all enthralled with Max.Rita and Justice go back to the apartment Rita shares with roommate
Nikki [Simbi Khali]. Nikki comes on to Justice but he turns her down and leaves.
Instead, Nikki picks up Max and brings him home. Rita overhears the
bumping and screaming in Nikki's bedroom. The next morning, Rita finds
that Nikki has split with all her belongings, and there's a note saying
that she's getting an apartment with a man she just met. Rita assumes it
is Justice, and she becomes very jealous.Time is growing short. Max has to start using drastic measures, like
taking on the personas of other people, such as Preacher Pauly and stupid
Guido in order to get closer to Rita. But Max's plans seem to backfire, so
he takes the direct route and saves her from being run over by a speeding
taxi. In gratitude, Rita accepts a dinner date with him. Max hurries back
to Julius's apartment and casts every spell he knows to change it from a
pigsty to an elegant lovenest, complete with candelabras, fireplace, and a
baby grand piano. He finally manages to get his dance with Rita as well as
a bite on her neck.Julius is enjoying the benefits of working for a vampire, e.g.,
driving the black limo with vanity plates that say 'RIP'. He is also
having to adjust to the side-effects, e.g., acquiring a taste for bugs and
losing parts of his body. First his ear, then his right hand, then his
hair, then an eye, then his whole right arm.Meanwhile, Justice is following up a lead that suggests Julius might
have been involved in the killing of the two thugs a few nights ago. The
next morning, Justice pays a visit to Julius's apartment where he meets
Silas Green who tells him that Rita was there all night with the new
tenant, some suave guy. Just then, Justice receives a call from the
dispatcher sending him to investigate a DOA at Brooklyn City Hall. It
turns out to be Nikki.Justice goes to Rita's apartment to tell her about Nikki. As he is
holding her, Rita's tears turn into fangs and she tries to bite his neck.
Out of the corner of her eye, she notices that her reflection in the
mirror is fading. She runs to Max, who tells her of her father, the
vampire. Justice goes to see Dr Zeko, who tells him the story of Rita's
mother, a researcher who was studying the vampires on his island and who
succumbed to the powers of the "dark one." Rita is the result, he says. He
warns Justice that he must kill Max and do it before Rita loses all of her
humanity.Max attempts to teach Rita how to feed, but she refuses. When she
tries to run away, Max retrieves her and brings her to his apartment,
intending to leave for the island in the morning. He brings Silas to her,
but Justice and Zeko arrive just in time to stop her from feeding on him.
A fight breaks out, of course, but Max is easily able to dodge their fists
and stakes. Justice searches out Max's coffin and opens it, prepared to
stake him, but he finds Rita laying there. Rita begins to advance on
Justice, her fangs showing. She stops long enough to share a kiss with Max
and then stakes him, claiming that this part of her must die. Rita and
Justice end up in each others' arms.Epiloque: Max is dead, and Julius doesn't have much left in the way of limbs,
skin, arms, etc., but Silas reminds him that he does have the limo, and
they decide to go for a ride. In the backseat, Julius finds a ring left
behind by Max and places it on his finger. POOF! Julius has back all his
parts (and then some). There's a new vampire in Brooklyn, and his name is
Julius Jones. [Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.]
    

Vampire in Brooklyn


            Pest exterminators Freddie and Junior keep stumbling into trouble on the job fighting rich ladies, roaches, grumpy pawn shop owners and meter maids when suddenly theyre in way over their heads, owing an Asian Karate World mobster $10,000! Impossible! Their pest company pay never will cover that kind of debt. And here Freddie was trying to get his life back in order to give his 8-year-old daughter the life she deserves. Their bad luck seems to turn the next day Freddie and Junior are mistaken as Replacement Ministers at a dying church with an ailing minister. Thats when Freddie gets the big idea. If a glitzy evangelist on TV can rake in big money using religion, maybe this is their ticket to pulling in quick cash fast. All they have to do is win over a smart bronze beauty, heal a homeless man, save a dog, fool an uppity assistant pastor no one likes and get the whole church feelin the spirit. But can they pull it off? This sexy, funny comedy of love, laughter and inspiration proves that when you go to this church anything can happen.
    

The Hustle


            Norbit (Eddie Murphy) was abandoned as a baby by being tossed from a moving car in front of the Chinese Golden Wonton Restaurant and Orphanage in Boiling Springs, Tennessee. Mr. Wong (Eddie Murphy), a kind and caring person, brought the baby into his orphanage. As children, Norbit met Kate (Thandie Newton), another orphan, and they became best of friends and were always together until Kate was adopted. Norbit was now alone until Rasputia (Eddie Murphy) rescues him from three school bullies on the school playground. The huge Rasputia makes Norbit her boyfriend. When they become adults, Norbit is intimidated into marrying the gigantic Rasputia, and they don't live happily ever after. Norbit was compelled to work for Raspitia's three brothers at the Latimore Construction Company. The whole town lives in fear of the three brothers and Raspitia. A new day comes for Norbit when Kate returns from Atlanta to buy the orphanage from Mr. Wong. However, the Larimores want to buy the orphanage and turn it into a strip club, "The Nipplopolis". Douglas Young (the-movie-guy)
    

Charlie Murphy

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