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The Blueblack Hussar

Drop Dead Rock


            Dwight Putnum [Roger Rose] has just asked Kendall Gordon [Kimberly Foster]
for the 10th time to marry him, but Kendall is still unwilling to commit. She has
this idea that the perfect man for her is still out there. Vampire Zachary Simms [Adam Ant]
has just awakened in his coffin from a 100 year sleep in the crypt under
Kendall's house and comes out through the secret door in her fireplace to
face the brave, new world. When the two meet, it isn't quite love at first
bite, but Zachary spends the next day in her bed anyway, which really
angers Dwight when he tries to put the make on Zachary, thinking that the
lump under the covers is Kendall.It doesn't take long before Kendall and Zachary become friends, and
Zachary tells her how he came to be a vampire. He was born in England in
1660 and moved to Boston in 1675. In 1688, he was bitten by a vampire
named Nerissa, and they lived together for 100 years before she suddenly
decided to run off with a Washington politician. Zachary pined for Nerissa
for the next 100 years and finally decided to sleep it off. Unfortunately,
he forgot to wake up until another 100 years had passed.And, oh, how the world has changed. Zachary is entranced by such
devices as refrigerators, electric lightbulbs, and cars that talk. Zachary
is also entranced by Kendall, and before long, they are a twosome. Zachary
decides to end his existence as a vampire and asks Kendall to help him in
'reviving his digestive system' so that he can eat human food. Before
long, Zachary is slurping down spaghetti and munching on pizza. When he
finds that he has a blood pressure, can go outside in the daytime, and
drinking blood makes him gag, he proclaims himself 'rehumanized.'
Everything is going great, until 1) Zachary lands a job with Dwight's
insurance firm, 2) Dwight hires Vinnie Helsting [Philip Bruns] to do a little detective
work on Zachary, and 3) Nerissa [Michelle Forbes] shows up wanting Zachary back.Zachary starts working the night shift in the data entry department.
One night he discovers $1,300,000 that has been moving from department to
department in small increments. Dwight rewards him for his find by making
him an executive vice president and giving him a company car. Within a
short time, Zachary is using his bloodthirsty skills to put the bite on
potential clients, proving that he can make a killing in the business.
Unfortunately, he's spending less and less time with Kendall and becoming
more and more of a yuppie. When Zachary suggests to the board of directors
a plan that will increase their profits 30% each year for 100 years, they
make him chief executive officer of the company, which effectively puts
Dwight out of a job.While Zachary is rapidly moving up the ladder, Helsting can't find
anything on him. No birth certificate, no credit cards, no paper trail, so
he begins tailing Zachary wherever he goes, taking photographs, and casing
the house Zachary shares with Kendall. One night, when no one is home,
Helsting enters the house, notices the secret door in the fireplace, and
discovers the crypt and Zachary's coffin. While there, he overhears
Zachary's message machine taking a phone call. 'Hello. I can't come to the
phone right now. I'm dead.' Then Nerissa comes on, warning Zachary to be
careful so that Dwight doesn't find out what Zachary really is. Helsting
puts two and two together and figures it out...Zachary is a vampire.It looks like Zachary is about to be defanged. Dwight wants his
business back. Kendall says Zachary was more human when he was a vampire
and wants him out of her life. Nerissa says that the only solution is to
'revamp' him, so she gets the process started by biting him on the neck.
Dwight takes back his business, setting up Zachary as a consultant with a
perpetual income that will make him rich for centuries. Kendall informs
Zachary that she is pregnant with his baby and agrees to allow him to
'vampirize' her when the baby is old enough to understand. Nerissa agrees
to become the baby's godmother and buy her pretty dresses or take her to
Mets nightgames. [Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.]
    

Love Bites


            French anthropologist Jean Charles Pommier dies in an emergency room after being terrorized by something. However, Dr. Eileen Flax, who tried to save him, suddenly receives his memories by psychic means, and relieves his last few days in a long flashback. It turns out that Pommier had just recently moved to L.A. with his wife Niki after years of researching African and Inuit nomadic groups, their way of life and their myths.Pommier soon notices a group of street punks and metalheads who apparently live in a black van and frequently hang around his house, especially at night, because a brutal murder of a family had been committed there recently, and this seems to attract them. Pommier becomes fascinated by this group due to their resemblance to a nomadic tribe, and starts following them as well as investigating the murder. It quickly becomes clear that these are no ordinary urban nomads and Pommier soon becomes afraid both for his and his wife's lives, but also their souls. However, Pommier decides that he's in too deep and continues his investigation despite a friendly warning from the ghost of a nun he mistakes for a hallucination.Eventually, Pommier realizes, although too late, that the punks are actually evil spirits and demonic tricksters from ancient Inuit legends that still exist in modern day societies disguised as roaming humans that no one pays attention to. They are attracted by death and violence because they feed on human fear but also human souls. Unfortunately, once the punks realize he knows their secret, they will try to kill him, take his soul and make him one of them. Pommier tries to find a way out of this horrific situation, but to no avail. In desperation, he even confronts one of the punks on top of a skyscraper and during their brawl throws him from it. However, the punk simply taunts him and disappears.In the end, the punks succeed in killing him but not before he's able to transfer his knowledge to Dr. Flax with implied request that she helps his wife escape from the demonic punks. Flax contacts his grieving wife who at first doesn't believe her, but when the punks surround her house, break in, trash the place and corner the two women in the attic while taunting them, Niki realizes in terror it's all true and she and Flax make a run for their lives after the punks eventually retreat for some reason.However, a masked motorcycle rider in black begins trailing their escape vehicle, which terrifies distraught Niki even further, but Flax insists that they drive as fast as they can and do not look back, no matter what. As soon as they make it across the California state limit, the masked biker, who's apparently magically bound by the state's boundary and, unlike the women, can not cross it, stops. The rider lifts his goggles and, as they look back, the two women realize in shock and horror that it's Pommier, now seemingly just another of the demonic spirits that pursue them. However, it seems like he still possesses some knowledge of his former identity, as he emotionlessly but curiously and possibly even melancholically watches as the two women drive away. He then coldly turns his bike around and drives off, presumingly back to L.A. to join the demonic pack of urban nomads he himself now belongs to, possibly forever.
    

Adam Ant

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